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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709764">Turning Point</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaM/pseuds/Lisa%20Martin'>Lisa Martin (LisaM)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,501</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaM/pseuds/Lisa%20Martin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander gets hurt. While his friends are trying to save him, some truths get out. Told from Spike's POV.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rupert Giles/Xander Harris, Xander Harris/Spike</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They stared, shocked. In the middle of the crypt there was a heap of rubble and<br/>
they had all gathered around it and stared. The moment I heard "Oh God no.."<br/>
I couldn't get my legs to move fast enough.</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>During
the fight with yet another demon I had been thrown in a corner and hit my head.
Hard. It wasn't as bad as the pain that bloody chip caused, but still bad enough
to leave me dazed for a while. The strangled gasp had me ignoring the headache
immediately. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
pushed the witch aside and looked. There was rubble all right, large pieces of
the ceiling that had collapsed during our fight. On there was...My eyes closed
and my mind screamed in agony. Upon opening my eyes again, I wished for it to be
a dream, just a horrible nightmare, but no such luck. There was a body stretched
out on the floor and partly covered by the debris. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Vaguely
I saw them removing the rubble. I couldn't move a muscle if my existence
depended on it, completely frozen into place, the image of that body etched on
my retinas. I felt them pushing me aside and I simply took a step sideways, then
halted again. Staring. Staring at hands that removed the debris, that pulled the
body from under it. There was blood, a lot of it, its smell hanging heavily in
the air. Usually it makes my hunger flare; now it only made me nauseous. I don't
think I've ever been so sick from the smell of blood. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike?"
It was the sound of someone calling my name. "Spike??" There was
impatience in the voice, as if it had been yelling at me for hours. Maybe it
had.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah?"
Was that my voice? That croaked, hoarse sound?</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Don't
stand there like a zombie!" The Slayer, fire spitting from her eyes. Oh,
now all of a sudden she cares? The thought didn't even make me angry, just
sicker. "We need help here!"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My
gaze went again to that horrific scene, but my sight was partially obscured by
other persons. <i>That </i>made me angry.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
urge to throw them all through the room was overwhelming, but I caught myself
just in time. Lying crumpled on the floor I'm not much use, so I settled for a
snarl.<br/>
"Get out me way!" She backed off, the brief flash of fear that crossed
her face a small victory. With two steps I reached the body and fell down on my
knees beside it, my hands going to the face, cupping it, silently stroking the
cheekbones. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"It's
bad." The whisper caused me to look up. I met eyes; worry shining in them.
My mind scoffed at that sight, another one that has suddenly decided to care?
Then I saw the pain hidden underneath the concern and realised that it was real.
Someone was suffering as much as I was. A silent communication followed and
understanding dawned for both of us. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There
was something nagging me. I could make this go away; heal this broken body. It
wouldn't take much, but it would change everything. The idea was tempting, yet I
wasn't giving in, not yet. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I've
called an ambulance." It was the witch, cell phone in her hand. At that
moment I was eternally grateful for the perks of modern society. I looked up at
her and saw the tears running over her face. The words 'you don't know what you
have until you lose it' played through my mind, but I kept my silence. Then she
did something that surprised the hell out of me. Her hand reached out and
touched my face. It was just a brief touch, but it said more than an entire
monologue. For one it made me realise I was in full game face. Quickly I shifted
back to my human visage, all the time holding her eyes. There was understanding
in those green orbs and compassion. For me. Ordinarily that would be enough to
rip out her throat, but I couldn't even summon up the anger to do so. Everything
bounced back on that wall of numbness that was inside me. The wail of sirens cut
the connection between us. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Things
went by in a haze and before I knew it, hours had passed. The sun had risen,
another sunny day in California. I should be asleep by now, stretched out on a
bed, rolled into sheets that smell like...no. Forcing my mind away from that
thought wasn't easy, but I would freak if I didn’t. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
scolded myself for being pathetic. Since when did this big bad vampire become
such a whiner? I knew the answer, I've said it to the Slayer and that poof Angel
once, I'm love's bitch. I feed, I kill, I torture, I rape but when it comes to
love I'm nothing but a blubbering fool. Dru, my dark princess, she did that to
me. Could turn me into a whining piece of shit with a mere look. After she left
me, the world was my enemy. I don't think I've ever killed so many in such a
short time. Then other eyes caught my attention. They hit me harder than that
blasted wall, but unlike my injuries from that event, this thing didn't heal. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It
almost seemed they were mocking me the whole time and I suppose that's what they
did. It kept the wound of Dru's leaving open and with each razor sharp comment
acid was poured into that wound. It's funny, but that kept me from packing it in
altogether. The defiance that met me every time kept me going, kept me thinking
of ways to get back. He used my own anger to help me. It wasn't until those
soldier boys decided to muzzle me, that I realised that. After all, I had plenty
of time to think afterwards. Couldn't do anything else. And at my lowest of low,
when I had wanted to stake myself, he was there again. Not mocking, not taunting,
but trying to cheer me up. End of the world again, and this vampire helped to
prevent it. Strange but true. All that counted for me was that I was able to
fight again. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Siding
with the Slayer wasn't easy and I don't think I'm completely on her side yet, or
ever will be. She just makes my blood boil and not in good way. The others are
not so bad, less irritating anyway. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Look
at them now. Huddled in those sorry excuses for chairs, stricken faces, tears
even. You're soldiers, kids, you fight a war. In wars people die. End of
discussion. I wish I could believe that myself. Oh, it's true, but I don't want
to believe it, not now. Pathetic. The enemy grieving for the fallen warrior.
There is a mistake in that sentence. I’m not sure what, but I'll figure it out
eventually. I've got time. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
felt eyes on me. Looking up, I met them. Standing against the opposite wall was
my companion in this, the one who knows what's going on in my head. I could
almost read his thoughts. I should be jealous, yet I'm not. Another experience
that was entirely new to me. The old Spike would've killed him for even thinking
about the same person as I was. This Spike only nodded. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Someone
walked up to us and all of a sudden the sound of voices filled the air. I didn't
move. Words reached my ears, "Bad', "Internal injuries',
"Coma", "Don't know". It was fuzzy, but I could piece the
puzzle together. Survived the surgery, is in a coma, but they don't know what
causes this coma. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike."
A hand touched my shoulder. "You heard?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah."
I couldn't look at him and I guessed he felt the same way because he turned away
from me. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Can
we see him?" </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"You're
family?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Yes,
you sod! The only bloody family he has!</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No,
we're friends."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'm
sorry, only family is allowed. Was his family notified?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah.
Three hours ago." I faced the guy. "Three bloody hours ago! They 'aven't
shown their faces yet!"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike,
easy." A short pause, in which the hold on my arm tightened. "His
family was notified, but they aren't here yet. Nor will they be likely to show
up. We're his family."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'm
sorry but.."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Oh,
so you want him to lie there by himself? Because I'm telling you mister, his
parents will not be here!" I actually felt the urge to cheer for the Slayer.
Now if she only would’ve beaten the crap out of him. Nah, that was too much to
hope for. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Who
is listed as next of kin?" Oh bless the witch! </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
guy pretended to be important and looked at some papers. The name he mentioned
after a few minutes was enough to send a sigh of relief through the gang. Not me
of course, I can't sigh. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"That
would be me." After that incident there was a lot of paperwork to be done.
Why do humans always solve things with paperwork? You ask a question, you get an
answer, situation solved. Anyway, we got access. We walked along the long
corridors, the sight getting me down. It bore too close a resemblance to another
facility I was forced to spend some time in.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>At
the door of the room, the Slayer stopped me. "Not you." A wave of rage
rushed through me, enough to change my appearance. "Duh, scared. Not. The
blinds are up and it is morning..." Anger drained and bafflement surfaced.
"Not that I don't want you to get cremated, but not here."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>So
that's the reason. She didn't want trouble. I could live with that. Everything
was better than thinking she cared for me. The thought alone sent a shiver up my
spine. Scary. "Okay. Jus' close the blinds then." Because I was going
in there. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"You
wish!"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I
do."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Please,
lets not argue. I have closed the curtains." The urge to laugh was
overwhelming. The Slayer was being told by her Watcher. That was a first. I
grinned at her and brushed past her, into the room, the next instant wishing I
hadn't. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
same thing happened to me as in the cave, I froze. This was even worse then
before. Bloody corpses I can cope with, but not this lifeless husk that lay on
the bed. Paperwhite skin that seemed almost transparent, contrasting sharply
with the dark hair. Long dark lashes, resting on hollow cheeks. My gaze was
fixed on those lashes and my mind yelled for those eyes to open. The constant
beeping of the monitor became an annoyance, the sound echoing inside my skull,
louder and louder. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
next thing I knew I was sitting in the corridor, my head between my knees.
Something warm was beside me. "I took you outside before you passed
out."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I
didn't pass out!" I spat. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Not
yet, no. Spike, look at me." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
slowly raised my head, wondering vaguely why the walls were so wobbly and did as
he asked. "What?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I
think I have an idea what you're going through. In fact, I was glad to get out
of there too. It's hard to see someone you love like this."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
didn't beat around the bush, now did he? "I don't..." Okay, that was
habit.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"You
do. And so do I. But lets not make an argument about that now. We need to
research what is causing this and how to cure it."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"The
friggin' demons." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"My
thoughts too. Willow is going to stay here, Buffy and I are going back to my
house to research."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Can
she read?" </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yes,
she can." I saw a hint of a smile there. "You'll have to stay here
until the sun sets."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>No
escape. Confined to this place for the rest of the day. "I'll fetch Red
some coffee."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Good."
His scrambled to his feet and I followed suit. Before he left, he smiled.
"'ang in there."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That
actually brought a grin. I got one back and then he was gone, the Slayer in tow.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Hours
later, five agonising hours later, they returned. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"We've
found it!" Wipe that beaming smile from your face blondie, you're going to
burn me. "And it's easy!"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Actually,
it is, but it all depends on you Spike."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"On
me?" </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yes.
The cure for this is a vampire's blood."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"But
that'll turn him!" Red emerged from the room. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"That's
the good thing, it won't. To become a vampire, the vampire has to drink the
blood of his victim and then let the victim drink from him. Since Xander is only
going to drink the vampire's blood he won't become one." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Textbook
talk. And true. Then why was it suddenly so cold? I knew what they were asking
me. It all seemed so simple, then why the hell wasn't it?? Because it would turn
him if he drank my blood. The answer was there in big neon letters in my mind. I
know he had been feeding me human blood sometimes, but it was only now I
realised it was his own. "No."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Three
faces stared at me, expressions ranging from startled to rage. "No???"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"You
'eard me. No." I couldn't explain this to them. "And that is my final
answer." I walked away then, hearing how the Slayer was being restrained by
the other two. Thank heavens the sun had set, I could go outside. Just as I
walked out the door, I was stopped. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Why??"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
wasn't surprised to hear anger and pain. I felt it too. "Because."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike!"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My
eyes closed for a second. I had to tell him. ""E's been feeding me 'is
blood."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"He
is...oh..what??"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Look,
I didn't know either. When I smelled 'is blood I knew." That was a bit of a
lie, but close to the truth. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"The
sad thing is, I believe you." Despair was shining through. "What now?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'll
find one, bleed 'im dry and bring the stuff 'ere." I made that up as I said
it, but it sounded like a good plan. Lots of minions around here, shouldn't be
so difficult to find one.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"It
needs to be a Master Vampire's blood."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There
was that plan shot to hell. Then something crossed my mind. Looking at him I
knew he'd come up with the same solution. Unfortunately. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'll
do it."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No.
I will." It wasn't an easy decision. There are about a thousand things I
liked better than grovelling before my Sire. Make that millions. Yet he was my
Sire and a Master Vampire. He was our only chance. "I will bring 'im
'ere."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
nodded. "Make it fast. The demon's blood is working its way through his
system and I don't know how much time he has left."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'll
leave now." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Why
don't you just call?" There was such logic in that question, it made me
laugh. Loudly, hysterically. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Call,
of course!" I hiccuped. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yes.
I will borrow Willow's phone." He was clearly taken aback by my laughter. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Sorry,"
I muttered. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No
need." Again that smile. "We're all a bit..jumpy."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah.
Now where's that phone?" We walked back into the hospital and after dodging
a couple of blows from the Slayer we were able to explain what was going on. Not
thatthat improved my situation
much; she still looked at me with murder in her eyes. Wouldn't want it any other
way.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
took the phone and dialled the number, ignoring the confused faces. Of course I
knew his phone number or rather,the
number from that 'detective place' he ran there. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Angel
Investigations, we help the hopeless."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Delia?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There
was a short silence. "Spike?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Angel,
it's Spike!" Damn, with a voice like that she didn't need a phone. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yeah!
Somethin' wrong with yer 'earing?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No.
It's just that we've been trying to reach you guys for hours. Cordelia had a
vision."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"A
vision." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Yes.
About something bad happening in Sunnydale, or about to happen."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Already
'appened, mate." I gave him a brief summary of what had happened.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I
see. And why are you calling me?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Because
the cure is vampire blood from a Master Vampire. And don't gimme that whole
thing about me being one. I can't."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I'm
on my way."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
was kind of confused that he didn't ask for an explanation. Usually he talks you
to death, pun most certainly intended. But he was getting here and that was the
main thing. I gave the news to the kids, seeing the Slayer's face darken for a
moment. Not exactly a bright moment to be reunited with your ex. And by all the
demons, I loved that look on her pretty little face. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Another
long period of waiting. I sat in the cafeteria, not able to stare at that open
door. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike,
mind if I join you?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No."
Red I could take. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Why
don't you go and see him?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Correction,
I couldn't take her. "I can't."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"It
isn't easy, I know, but still.."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Still
what? Is it so bloody 'ard for you to understand that I can't look at 'im? Not
like this."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"He's
still Xander."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"That
corpse? "ate to 'urt your feelings, pet, but it isn't." It's not the
kid I knew, not the one who rubbed salt in my wounds and helped me to survive.
Who could make me laugh with those lame jokes of his, who crept under my skin
like no mortal has ever done. And dammit it hurt!</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Big
bad Spike cares?" </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That
question, delivered in that little girls tone of hers, brought it all to the
surface. "Yeah! Gonna punish me for it?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"No,
not at all. I think it's kinda cute."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Cute??
Let me tell you something, witch, Spike's not cute."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Maybe
cute is the wrong word, but I always knew you weren't all bad." I had to
hand it to her, she wasn't easily intimidated. "You cared for Drusilla.
Okay, in a sick twisted kind of way, but you did care for her." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"And
look where it brought me." Unable to kill, to hunt, relying on others for
my blood, for my survival. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"That
isn't Drusilla's fault, you came back out of your own free will."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Oh,
and I suppose I put that bloody chip in me 'ead myself!!" I was sheeting,
barely able to keep a human face. Shifting into game face in a hospital
cafeteria was not a bright idea. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Of
course not." She was getting irritated, good. "But you didn't have to
come back here. Oh, I know, that stupid Gem of Amara. What were you going to do
with it anyway? Kill Buffy, then go to Drusilla and most likely be dusted by her
because she wanted the thing for herself?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Dru
would never kill me!!" It was half hearted, mainly because I knew she had
hit the nail on the head. Anger drained, much to my own dismay. "I would've
dusted Harm first."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Harm?
Oh Harmony!" She let out a giggle. "Can't say I blame you."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
recalled those two hadn't exactly been friends in high school. "Thought you
wouldn't." </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"She
was so irritating, miss high and mighty. Cordelia was a princess compared to
her."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"She
<i>is</i> irritating."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Still?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Don't
remind me." Harmony had been a toy, simply someone to pass the time with.
She proved to be a handful, driving me insane with her whining. I studied the
girl in front of me. Now <i>she</i> would've made a great vampire. With her
knowledge of the black arts she could've been a very powerful one too. Not to
mention the fact that she was a lot prettier than Harmony's plastic appearance.
This woman had true beauty. Irritated, I shook those thoughts off, scolding
myself for becoming a softie. "But you were right about the Slayer, I would
kill 'er in a heartbeat."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"I
know." Gazing at her, I realised she was acknowledging a truth, nothing
more. No judgement, no understanding, just stating a fact. I liked that.
"And I also know you would never lift a finger towards Xander."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
would lift a finger all right, but not the way she meant it. Grinning inwardly
at that double meaning, I asked, "And 'ow do you know that?"</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Because
you love him."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
was spared any real embarrassment by my Sire, the first time I was actually glad
to see him. "Angel."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Spike,
Willow." A second later he had his arms full of witch. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>"Oh
Angel, I'm so glad you're here."</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
looked at me over Red's shoulder, eyebrows raised. I really hated that
expression, that 'tell-me-everything' look, not even bothering to ask the
question.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Enough
cosiness, get on with it!” Okay, so maybe I’m impatient, but he could hug
her anytime. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Red
grabbed his hand and dragged him along the corridor, telling him her version of
what had happened. Just as well, I didn’t feel like talking. I just tagged
behind, my mind racing. What she had said bothered me. Did I love the whelp?
Want him, oh sure, but having a roll in the hay is not love. Yeah, I know the
difference. I didn’t have time to think about it, before I knew it we were
standing in front of that blasted door again. I had to go in this time, there
was no way I was going to let my Sire do this on his own. Not to mention the kid
would seriously freak out if he found out that Angel had helped him. Damage
control was needed. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Angel.”
The Watcher’s voice was calm and in control. I envied his coolness, knowing he
hated the poof’s guts. It told me more than anything how far he was willing to
go for the boy. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Giles.”
Oh hell no, apology eyes again?? </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Get
in there!” I growled. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His
gaze focused on me, slightly wondering, then he nodded. “You’re with me.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wouldn’t
let you in there without me.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We
went in, ignoring all the gazes and the question marks in their eyes. Later. I
shut the door behind us. Angel shed his duster, throwing it on the only chair,
and rolled up his sleeve. “You have a knife?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
didn’t bring one??” He gave me a glare. “Yeah, I got one.” I took the
small knife out of my pocket and handed it to him. He took it and walked up to
the bed, staring down. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He
doesn’t deserve to die.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
know that!!” Now he was going to give a lecture?? </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
cocked his head and smiled that irritating half smile of his, the one I
haven’t been able to figure out in over a century. “You hold him.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>First
sensible thing I heard him say. I went to the bed and sat down on the edge.
Gathering all my courage I reached out and took that lifeless form in my arms.
Vaguely I heard a hiss and saw an arm, dripping with blood coming into my line
of sight. As in a blur I saw the blood trickling on his mouth, then glide
downwards over his chin. It shook me out of my stupor. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Take
it,” I urged, hugging him closer. “Come on baby, take it.” His lips began
to move, the blood now entering his mouth. “That’s it. More, come on.”
There was a swallowing motion and I felt like cheering. “Yeah, yeah. Come back
to me, luv.” He was drinking steadily now. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That
should be enough.” The arm was removed. I looked up. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
sure?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
smiled. “Yes.” Then something strange happened. He held his arm in front of
my face, the smell of the blood making my nostrils flare. “Drink. You’ll
need it.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
didn’t even consider protesting. My hand shot out, grabbed his arm. My mouth
latched onto it. Oh, the sweetness. There is only one thing that tops human
blood and that’s the blood of a Sire. It gives you a kick that is so fucking
great it makes your head spin. And it had been a long time. Far too soon he
yanked his arm away. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Enough.
I want to leave something for myself.” He turned away and walked to the tiny
bathroom. I heard water running and the sound of him drying his hands. He came
back with a damp towel in his hands. “Will.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wot?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
touched my face, then handed me the towel. “Clean yourself up and lose your
gameface.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh.”
I took the towel and wiped my face with it, then used it on Xander. I gently
washed his face, noticing there was already some colour in it. Then I lowered
him on the bed again. Peaches wanted to have a talk. I didn’t have to look at
him or ask him, I just knew. He always wanted to talk. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
are you absolutely sure he gave you his own blood?” See? </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah.”
I stood, ready for the argument. “Why would I have called you if I wasn’t?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Good
question.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And
one you didn’t have to ask.” End of discussion? Nah!</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
looked at me from under his eyelashes. “Why didn’t you turn him?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Some
very dark thoughts entered my brain, but I chucked them aside. Killing your Sire
in a hospital room? Not a good idea, especially not with the Slayer waiting
outside. “Because I didn’t want to.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why
not?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“For
fucks sake!!” I was getting angry now. “He needs to live a bit. So far ‘is
life ‘as been crap!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Never
bothered you before.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
wanted blood. Well, he had just given it to me, and I wasn’t going to give it
back. “It does now.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
will though.” I didn’t see that one coming. “One day, you will.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
makes you so wise???” When confused, anger is a good place to hide.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
chuckled. “Let’s say I’m familiar with the situation.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That
was enough confusion to make my anger drain. “Say wha..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Another
smile. “I might have to ask you for help someday. Someone has been feeding me
human blood as well and since he’s always getting into trouble, well..” He
ended with a shrug. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>So,
Peaches had found someone too? Interesting… I was about to make a comment,
when he looked me square in the eye. A silent message passed between us. It’s
weird, but even though we don’t like each other we still could communicate on
a basic level. I understood what he was telling me. Don’t ask questions. Well,
fine by me. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Deadboy?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
whipped around. “Xander!” Did I cheer just now? Judging by the smirk on my
Sire’s face I had. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah.”
My fingers itched to touch his face, to trail them along his jaw. I grabbed the
blanket instead. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
happened?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Aren’t
you supposed to say ‘Where am I?’” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
know where I am, not how I got here.” Gods, he was glaring already. “And
what is he doing here?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“The
floor’s yours Spike.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Coward,”
I huffed as I saw him walk out, although I didn’t really mind. Still, I never
let an opportunity pass to taunt him. “You were ill,” I began my explanation.
“Those bloody demons infected your blood. The only cure was a Master
vampire’s blood.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
drank his blood??” I marvelled in the disgust that showed on his face.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Didn’t
have much of a choice, did I?” I threw him a meaningful look, which he chose
to ignore.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re
a Master vampire, aren’t you?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah
I am.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then
why couldn’t it be your blood?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>This
time I opted for a glare. “Do I have to answer that?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
ducked his head. “No.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
wanted to yell at him, to tell him exactly how stupid he was, but the words just
wouldn’t leave my mouth. “Angel saved your life.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Thank
him for me.” I gave him a hard stare and he chuckled. “Not a chance, huh?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
grinned, “Nah.”I knew I would
and that thought did upset me somewhat. I had never thanked my Sire for anything.
</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why
are you holding that blanket like a life line?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
glanced down at my hands. Holding the thing like a life line was an
understatement, it was already shredding. There were about a thousand possible
answers to that question, only one of them was the truth. I looked up at him
again, meeting those impossible, incredible brown eyes. Eyes that had been my
life line. Unlife line. “Because I can’t ‘old what I want.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why
not?” Annoying bastard!</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wrong
answer.” Before I could move an inch he was in my arms. “Very wrong answer.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>What
else could I do but wrap my arms around him? My demon was scolding me, but my
body simply reacted. I held him, neither of us saying a word. I let time pass
for a while, then I noticed something strange. It was as if he was getting
heavier. Looking down I saw his face was again that deadly pale. He was out
again. Stunned I stared for a moment, then the truth sank in. It didn’t help.
Anger whipped through me like a thunderstorm, but I kept it in check until I had
lowered him back on the bed again. Then I walked out of the room.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
second I came out, I was ambushed by the entire gang. Just what I needed. They
were all asking me questions, but none of them registered. I turned to my Sire. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It
didn’t ‘elp.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Silence
fell, horrified faces staring at me. The Slayer was the first one the find her
voice back. Of course. “What do you mean, it didn’t help??”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
I say. “e’s out again.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“But..how?”
Giles looked completely baffled.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because
you probably had it wrong!” I spat. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He
did wake up when he had fed,” the poof interrupted. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah,
for about ten minutes!” Christ, they annoyed me, grated on my nerves that were
already frayed. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
can’t believe we were wrong.” The Watcher was still on his broken record. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“This
time, you were! And you’d better get back to those bleedin’ books and find
the cure.” As in now, as in yesterday. Patience was never one my virtues.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
will.” He walked away, head bent, shoulders slumped. Red speeded after him,
probably to reassure him that it was not his fault. Whatever. Then she turned
around.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
why don’t you go with him?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Slutty
answered before I could. “Why? What good can he do??”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Good,
the word alone gave me the creeps. Red walked up to her, pausing by me on her
way. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Go
with him Spike. He needs someone now, someone who understands.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Understands
what?” Oh fer cryin’ out loud, gimme an ax, a stake or anything that can
kill her. Chip or no chip, I’d do it. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Go,”
Red urged me softly. “I’ll control the situation here.” I looked over my
shoulder to Shitty and her poof, then back at Red and the Watcher. Not a
difficult choice. At least the last two had some brains in their heads. But Xand…
“I’ll look after him. Now go.” Not for the first time I wondered if she
could read my mind. With the kind of magic power she has, I wouldn’t be
surprised. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Alright,
I’ll go. ‘Ungry anyway.” Take that, you bloody ponce. I didn’t look back
for his reaction, couldn’t stand the sight of him. So, I walked out, not
bothering to catch up with Giles, I knew the way to his house. Besides a ride in
that car is suicide. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>&gt;<br/>
<span>I<br/>
managed to keep my wits together while I walked over. Wouldn’t have minded<br/>
meeting a demon or two, I felt like a fight. But of course, where’s a demon<br/>
when you need one? Bloody unreliable bastards! </span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Once
inside the house, I felt myself falling apart. Judging by the pathetic figure on
the couch, I wasn’t the only one. He was staring at a book, muttering
something. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wot?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
wasn’t even startled. Guess my skills needed some brushing up. “Spike?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No,
the boogeyman.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
smiled faintly. “You probably are.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh
my, a compliment. Then why didn’t I take it as such? Because you are falling
to pieces here, my mind told me. Can’t I shut that damned thing off? </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
were you mumbling?” Go back to the facts, safest way.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That
I can’t understand why it went wrong. It states here clearly that the cure is
‘the blood of the Master of unlife.’ “</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
peeked at the page. Clearly, my ass. It was written in some stupid old language.
“Can’t they write English?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not
in those times, no. But perhaps..” He jumped up and began rummaging through
one of the stacks of books. “Where did I put that?” He movements were
frantic, uncontrolled. I saw the disaster coming before it happened. The stack
fell to the floor, he uttered a curse I must add to my vocabulary, and slumped
to the floor himself, head in his hands. Now normally this would have me
laughing. Not now. It made the truth of what was happening hit me with brutal
force. I was about to lose again. After my Sire and Dru, someone else was
slipping through my hands and there wasn’t a bloody thing I could do about it.
The only one who could help sat on the floor, incapacitated. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“’ey!
Don’t jus’ sit there, do somethin’!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What?”
He looked up at me, the word coming out like a growl. “Do what??? Spend hours
going through the books, wasting time??”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Like
you’re doing useful things now.” Couldn’t help it, I sneered that one.
“Sit and do nothing, that’ll ‘elp.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His
eyes narrowed and for the first time I was confronted with Ripper. Heard about
him, but never seen him. Impressive. “As if you are such a bleedin’ ‘elp.”
Damn, he’s even got my accent. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
know nothin’ about those things. You do.” Admitting that I didn’t know how
to do something is not my style. Makes you wonder how far I was willing to go
for the whelp. Through hell. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Big
bad Spike knows nothin’ about demons, there’s news. How did you survive?”
Sarcasm, eh? </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Mostly
luck.” Bloody hell, does this chip have truth serum in it? That wasn’t what
I intended to say!</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A
feral grin came to his face as he reached for a book and handed it to me. “Can
you read?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My
mouth opened to state that I could bloody well read, when I realised the catch.
“Yeah sure,” I said casually. “Which language?” Truth is I can read only
two languages, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. Judging by the look on his
face I probably didn’t need to. I glanced at the book. Gaelic. Well, my dear
Ripper, with an Irishman as a Sire, that is one of the languages I mastered. If
only to piss off the poof. Flipping through the book, I unintentionally focused
on things that might help. Just in case. And stumbled over it. “Got it.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh
yeah right…you what??” Giles was back, in full Watcher mode. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
said I got it,” I declared, shoving the book under his nose. He took it and
began to read,</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>The
blood of the Master</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p>&gt;<br/>
<span>The essence of the Warrior</span></p><p>&lt;&gt;<br/>
<span>The spirit of the Mind</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>The
magic of the Sorcerer</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>The
heart of the One that Binds</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>Blended
together in one</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>Will
cleanse the waters</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    <span>Whatever
spell be done</span>
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <i>
    
  </i>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <i><br/>
</i>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
looked up at me, eyes wide. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Of
course wot?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We’re
bonded,” he whispered. Then in a louder voice, “I should’ve thought of
that!!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“WOT??”
Getting very impatient now.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
began to pace. “The spell we did when we fought Adam. Bound all our powers
together to allow Buffy to defeat him.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Lemme
get this straight. You put all yer powers in the Slayer?” Truth was, I was
impressed. That was a magic trick I’d heard about, but never had the guts to
try. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes.”
He nodded fervently and kept pacing, making me dizzy. “Point is, that the bond
remained afterwards.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Things
began to become a little clearer. They had bonded and had sent all their skills
to the Slayer. What they hadn’t counted on was for the bond to be permanent.
Still, one question was still open. “What about that ‘blood of the Master’
part?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
don’t know. It seems like a prophecy to me.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Duh.
Of course it is you bloody sod!! “Doesn’t say it ‘as to be a Master
Vampire.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It
doesn’t.” He sagged down again. “Then what?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My
mind was racing, but nothing useful came up. “Warrior, that’s the Slayer.
Sorcerer, you or Red?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Willow.”
</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then
Mind is you. Remains the one that binds..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander…he’s
the Heart.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Of
course he was. The one who sustained that bond, its life force. That it took a
bloody spell for them to see that was pushing me beyond anger. One look at the
Watcher and I reined it in. We were to save Xan, not to argue. Time for that
later and believe me, I would rub that one in! </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And
the Heart is dying…” The words spilled from my mouth and shocked the hell
out of us both.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“The
bond will fall apart…”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It
already has, mate.” With the Heart gone, they would shatter like a staked
vampire. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
raked his hand through his hair. “I’m afraid you’re right. We could try
the spell again..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
had something there. “Bond again?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes.”
Jumping up from the couch, he made a dash for the phone. “I’ll call Willow
and tell her to prepare.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
listened to the conversation with half an ear. Something was bugging me,
something that we had overlooked. The solution couldn’t be that simple, not on
a Hellmouth anyway. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“But..”
I started, but was interrupted. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Willow
will come over to prepare, however she pointed something out to me. We have
always thought the bond included the four of us, the prophecy clearly indicates
there are five in that bond.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Exactly.
Said it wasn’t that simple. “Who’s number five?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That
is the problem. We’ll have to find him or her to make a complete bond.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh
great, just fucking great! Calm down Spike. “When did you do that spell?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“As
I said, when we fought Adam in the Initiative lab.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A
shiver ran down my spine, mentioning that place always has that effect on me.
Hey wait.. ”The big fight ?” At least that had been fun. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes.”
Oh, don’t go all exasperated on me now. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then
it ‘as to be someone who was there.” Simple logic. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That
narrows it down a little, but not enough. It also has to be someone who was
close enough to that room at the time.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“There
were ‘undreds of people there.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
glared at me. “Dozens at least.” A sigh escaped him. “We’ll just have to
try it with just the four of us.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It
wouldn’t work. Don’t ask me why I was so sure of that, I just was. Still, it
couldn’t hurt trying. Anything to keep him alive. And I have officially lost
it. Wonder if I should put an ad in the paper tomorrow ‘Vampire loses heart
and his bloody mind.’ No, I hadn’t lost my mind, just my heart. To the one
that was the Heart. Made a strange kind of sense. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Loaded
with supplies, we made our way to the hospital again. The whole group was still
hanging about in the hallway, even the poof. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
found the solution Willow tells us?” Disbelief in the Slayer’s voice. It
immediately sent me over the edge. Chip or not, she was going to have her
scrawny butt kicked. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
please.” A hand on my arm. To my surprise it was the blonde witch. “You’re
not helping him by getting angry.” Without stuttering, oh my, she must be
serious. One glance at her and I knew she was. My anger drained a little and I
nodded. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Fine,
but one more remark like that…”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
Slayer glared at me and then the look in her eyes changed. She held up her
hands. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Okay,
shutting up now.” Stunned I looked at her. She smiled, moving closer until
there were just a few inches between us. “I don’t like it and I swear
you’ll fit in a jar if I find out you’re hurting him.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Never.
Ever. I love him. Silence, even my brain is shutting down. My expression
must’ve given me away, because the Slayer’s hazel eyes widened and her jaw
dropped. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh
my God..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A
small sliver of satisfaction pierced into my numb brain and I managed a grin. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Trailin’
behind as always.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
look in her eyes became furious. “I am not trailing behind!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Buffy,
Spike, this is neither the place nor the time to get into an argument.” The
Watcher’s voice sounded tired, utterly drained. Strange, but that kept me from
nagging her a bit more. I knew where the exhaustion came from, felt some of it
myself. I backed off, which earned me a small, yet grateful smile. “Yes Buffy,
we have found the solution and we hope it will work.” He went on explaining
what they had to do while Red and girlfriend set up the stuff that was needed
for the spell. I stifled a grin when the poof was told he had to wait outside
the room and make sure no one came in. I gave him a hard stare, said nothing,
but I was sure he knew what I meant. Screw up and you’re dust. He got it, for
once. The blonde witch stayed outside also, not being part of the original bond.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>After
a little hassle whether or not I should be allowed in the room, situation once
again solved by Rupert who stated I <i>had</i> to be there, we went in. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It
was a complicated ritual and not without danger. Done slightly off and it will
fry your brain. But, they’d done it before and succeeded, so I put all my
hopes on that fact. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Red
dealt the Tarot cards and started the incantation. A crackle of energy flooded
the room when they joined hands, swirling around them like blue lightning. I
knew they were powerful, but this was much more than I expected. This kind of
power could wipe out the universe. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
energy pulse focused on Xander, bathing him in a blue glow. It also seemed to
become quieter, no longer erratic pulses were flashing everywhere. Again, that
made sense. As the Heart, he grounded them. I shuddered when I thought of him
dying and not only because of my own selfish reasons. With the bond once again
strengthened, this power would get out of control if he died. I willed my
thoughts away from that quickly. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Then
I heard voices. One look and I realised no one had actually spoken. I heard
those voices in my mind! </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Please
Xander, come back. I need you here, you’re my oldest friend.” Red. With a
plea I knew wouldn’t do any good. Times have changed lady, you and him with
it. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander,
get your ass out of that lala land you’re in before I kick it out!” My lips
twisted in a smile. Typically Buffy Summers style, give it a kick and see if it
lives. It might work though.</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander,
maybe where you are now it’s safer, better than you are used to. If you want
to stay there, just give us a sign, we’ll leave you in peace. I just want you
to know I’ll miss you.”I was
stumped. He couldn’t be serious! Yet when I let the words sink in, I realised
what he was doing, looking out for Xan. Caring so much that he left the decision
to return up to Xander. It also brought the realisation that he might have a
point there, maybe this whole situation was Xander’s own doing, an escape. I
stepped forward, putting my hand on top of Rupert and Xander’s. Maybe I
wasn’t part of that bond, but that sure wouldn’t keep me from trying to
reach him. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xan,
Rupert is right. If the place where you are now is better for you, then stay
there. Be happy, that’s all I want you to be.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
felt eyes on me, staring at me like I was some monster from outer space. They
had heard me! No, just Rupert. For some reason that was strange, but no I saw no
use mulling over that. He clearly couldn’t believe I agreed with him. Well, I
didn’t, but I also knew this would probably be the only way to get him back.
See, I had come to know Xander Harris quite well in the time I’d been living
with him, knew what was going on there, knew his fears and pain. He never told
me, but if his nightmares were anything to go by he’d been living in hell for
most of his life. Wherever he was now, it couldn’t be worse. But bloody hell,
I wanted him back!! Take him out of that hole in the ground he had the nerve to
call a basement and make sure no one, and I meant <i>no one</i>, would ever hurt
him again. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘You
and me both Spike’. The Watcher’s voice rang softly though my head. Meeting
his eyes again, I saw him smile. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘Xander,
please. You’re my big brother, I told you that in our first dream, remember? I
need my big brother now.’ </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That
really stunned me. The Slayer was pleading and in a way I thought I would never
hear. There was complete sincerity in every word, every syllable. And it was
something Xander would love to hear, a sentiment he’d cherish. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘Love
you, pet.’ There. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘You
are loved, Xander. By all of us.’ </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Nothing.
Not a twitch, a fluttering of eyelashes, absolutely nothing. Absolutely fucking
nothing! I wanted to scream, to haul him from that bed and shake him until those
eyes would open. It was the hand that came on my arm that held me back. It
wouldn’t do any good, I knew that, but tell that to the rage inside me. Even
my demon was screaming, something it had only done for Dru before. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
it’s over.” A soft voice behind me, a hand on my shoulder. Red. Looking
worse for wear. The spell was broken, the energy gone. Out of all of them, by
the looks of it. The Slayer looked drained, face as white as a sheet, Red was
near to tears and Rupert stood at the bed, eyes closed. “Come on Giles.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We
walked out of the room together, not a word passing between us, only shaking our
heads as Tara and Angel sent us hopeful looks. Red sought support with her
girlfriend, who wrapped her in an embrace. The Slayer gazed at Angel, looking
for that same comfort. He stepped towards her, stopped and turned to me first.
He didn’t speak, but the look he gave me spoke volumes. Regret, pain and
something that looked remarkably like love. Before I had a chance to respond, he
turned back to his ex girlfriend and took her in his arms. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My
head was reeling from that look. After all I’d done, after all the hatred
I’d thrown at him, he still cared for me. Normally that would have caused an
explosion of anger, but not now. Maybe it was the lack of guilt in that gaze or
maybe it was because I was still shaken from the spell, either way it left me
completely baffled. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
you care to come home with me?” I knew why he asked and I nodded. I needed
some comfort as well, and he was the only one who could remotely understand what
I was going through. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We
are going to do it.” Red appeared in front of me, face streaked with tears,
but very determined. “We are going to get him back. Whatever it takes.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
wished I could share that hope. “He doesn’t want to, pet,” I said softly.
“We can’t force him.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
can.” A world of meaning in those words. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
couldn’t take it any longer, whirled around and stalked off. Out of this
place, to where I didn’t care. I didn’t get far. About ten seconds later I
was stopped, roughly. I yanked my arm free and gave myself a serious headache
with that movement. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
for heaven’s sake stop fighting me!” The voice barely penetrated through the
haze of pain. I was fighting? Judging by the jackhammer in my brain, I probably
was. The agony slowly receded and I found myself lying on the floor, eyes
focused on the exit. Uh oops, as the whelp would say. Sunlight was streaming in,
bright and cheerful and dangerous. The night had passed so quickly.“Spike, are you all right?” Bloody Watcher…</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
nodded, still feeling a bit dizzy. Looking up I saw I had been fighting. That
was going to become one hell of a shiner! “Sorry,” I muttered. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I’d
say you experienced more pain than I. Just stay here and I’ll bring the tarp
from the car.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
was gone before I could say anything. I scrambled to my feet and waited. The air
in the damned hospital was becoming thick, suffocating almost. Strange feeling
for a vampire. I was more than glad when I saw the car pulling up and Rupert
jumping out of it, holding a large tarp. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The ride to his house was bridged in silence, mostly because there was
nothing to say and also because it was a bit difficult for me to talk lying
underneath that thick cloth. Suited me just fine, though, I knew myself well
enough to know that I would be ranting and screaming if I opened my mouth. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He fell apart the moment we entered the house, collapsing on the couch. I
saw his hand reaching for the bottle that was standing on the table and that
snapped me into action. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No!” He gave me a weary look. “Are you out of your fucking mind!!
The last thing we need is you getting stinkin’ drunk!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We can’t do a thing, Spike. You are right, he doesn’t want to come
back to us.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It felt like a slap in my face, a hard one, Slayer force. It did wonders
for my muddled brain though, clearing it within seconds. I wasn’t going to let
him slip away, not if I could help it. Even if it meant making peace with the
Slayer, I would do it. Anything. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“’ow come you could ‘ear me?” I asked. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What? Oh, you mean during the ritual. I don’t know and I’m not up
to thinking about that now.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I flopped down on the couch. “Think about it! I wasn’t supposed to
‘ear any of you, but I did. The strange thing was that only you could ‘ear
me.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He turned his gaze towards me, a glimmer of interest in his eyes. “The
others couldn’t?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Nope.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“How do you know that?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I rolled my eyes. “Like I could’ve walked away without a third degree
after what I said.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A small smile tugged at his lips. “Probably not, but I have a feeling
they already knew.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Believe me, they didn’t ‘ear me.” I was sure, absolutely sure.
“Question stands, why?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I saw the wheels turning inside his head. “We had a collective dream
the night after the fight against Adam. Each of us had personal elements in it,
but the outcome was the same, we all got killed. Except Buffy.” He smiled at
me, most likely because I was looking more than confused. “With the ritual we
called up the spirit of the first Slayer. She didn’t like what we’d done.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I grinned. “Take it from me, never piss off a Slayer.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He threw me a fleeting smile. “Where were you when we did the ritual?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“’ey?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I know you came in afterwards, but I need to know where you were
before that.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Right outside, fighting off demons. Oh bloody ‘ell!” The penny
dropped. I had been close enough to have caught a trace of the spell. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I think you were included in the bond, but only partially. I know you
were in my dream and you must’ve been in Xander’s too.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Okay, hold on. He was going too fast. “Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because we focused on Xander today. Had you not been bonded to him, it
would have back fired.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Ever had the feeling that things fall into place with a bang? I had it
now. “And I wasn’t in the Slayer’s or Red’s dreams.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Exactly. So you’re the Master from the prophecy. Which poses us with
a problem.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I can’t give me blood to ‘im. But when the poof gave ‘is blood,
‘e woke up.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It took some moments for him to answer. “Angel’s blood probably took
care of whatever those demons did to Xander. The cure we found was the right one.
Leaves us with the question as to why he is still in a coma.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I think you know the answer to that one.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes, but I’m afraid…..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Another epiphany moment. “Gimme that book with the prophecy.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Just gimme!!” I snarled. He stood, took a book from one of the piles
and handed it to me. I nearly tore the pages out in trying to find that
prophecy. When I found it I read it out loud then looked at Rupert. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes. What are you trying to say?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That we screwed up mate! We concentrated on Xan, instead of trying to
bond and clear away what is blocking ‘is way back.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Blended together in one, will cleans the waters, whatever spell be
done, of course!!” He was almost cheering. “Spike, you’re brilliant!!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I wouldn’tsay …well
yeah I am.” I grinned at him, daring him to contradict me. He didn’t. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He threw a glance at the phone. “Guess Willow and Buffy will be asleep
by now, I’m fairly tired myself, so we’d better wait until tonight to
perform the ritual again. Besides, you can’t go out..”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Shut up! You sound like Red!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A sheepish grin was thrown my way. “I guess I did.” He sat down again
and reached for the bottle. “I think this calls for a drink.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It certainly does.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Together
we finished off the bottle. I helped him upstairs, where he rolled into his bed,
and passed out almost immediately. Humans, can’t take their booze. I wasn’t
even close to drunk, just a little light headed. Good stuff that was. I rummaged
around for another bottle but could find nothing other than some cheap wine.
Disgusted I threw it back into the cupboard. Even vampires have their standards.
</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Sagging
down on the couch once more, my sleeping place for the day, I let my mind wander
over the events of the last 48 hours. Christ, was it only two days ago Xander
dragged me out for another ‘save the world’ mission? I didn’t want to go,
but he’d insisted I be there. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Slaying
demons, Spike, big ugly demons. Means no headache for chipped vampires.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
smiled at the memory. He knew how to get me moving all right. And he’d paid
the price. As usual. Demon magnet they called him once, and how right they were.
It’s like they smell him from miles away. Not a silly thought that is, I mean,
if I can, and I can, why not them as well? Ah, too many thoughts. I kicked off
my boots, lay down and closed my eyes. I hadn’t slept in two days, sleep
should come easily, right? Of course not. The moment I closed my eyes I saw him
lying on that hospital bed, unmoving. Willing my thoughts to other times, better
times, times when we were having fun in front of the TV (I swear, he has a
dirtier mind than me sometimes!), I felt myself relax.As in not lying there with clenched fists, ready to shoot from that couch
in a second. Hell, I was tense. Had someone told me a year ago I would be
worried sick about one of the Slayer’s groupies I would’ve ripped their
heads off and sucked their brains out. Who needs brains with thoughts like that,
right? But here I was, in the Watcher’s home, not chained to the bathtub, with
worries that were driving me insane. I couldn’t lose him. Whatever it cost,
whatever it took. Maybe Red had something when she said I was the one to pull
him out. No wait, that was before we found out he might not be doing this to
himself. Worth a try anyway. I concentrated, a very hard thing for me to do, and
let my mind speak to him, hoping he would hear. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘’ey
pet. Tonight we’re going to ‘ave another go. See if the thing Rupert and I
came up with works. It better. Can’t see us going on without you. I ‘ear you
laugh over that, but it’s true. You belong ‘ere, with them, with me. Strange,
somewhere along the line I went from hatin’ your guts to lovin’ you. Can’t
say ‘ow that happened, it jus’ did. Love you pet and I want you back. Want
to argue with you, to fight alongside you, to save your bloody ass again, rant
to you about bein’ stupid and love you. So please, open those eyes and wake up.’</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
was exhausted; this whole mind to mind talk had drained the last bit of energy
out of me. Ignoring the fact that I needed to feed, I settled in and tried to
sleep. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
woke up with hunger gnawing at me. Not so strange, I hadn’t fed in over 24
hours. The need for blood momentarily overruling anything else, I hoisted myself
from the couch and went to the kitchen. Luckily there were a few bags still
stored in the fridge. Pig’s blood, but I couldn’t be picky right now. I
heated up one bag and gulped it down, while heating the second bag. That one I
drank more slowly. It stilled the hunger, yet I knew I would only last a few
hours. The worries, the ritual, it had taken a lot. If it hadn’t been for the
shot of Sire blood, I would be starving. Which was something I was doing anyway,
no vampire can survive on animal blood for long. How Peaches managed to do it
for over a century was a mystery to me. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike?”
A rumpled looking Watcher stood in the doorway. By the looks of it, he had slept
as well as I did, meaning lousy. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Was
‘ungry, nicked a few bags.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Go
ahead. It’s not like any of us is drinking that stuff.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
grinned. “You should try it, better than any drug. Well, ‘uman blood is.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
looked at me, disgust evident. “I’ll settle for tea, thank you.” He began
to rummage in the cupboards, getting out the things he needed. Soon after, the
smell of freshly brewed tea tickled my nostrils. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Can
I have some?” I asked. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His
eyebrows rose. “Didn’t know vampires drank tea.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Call
me nostalgic, but it’s been a long time since I ‘ad a good cuppa.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
smiled knowingly, poured another cup and handed it to me. Ah the smell. I sipped
it slowly, scalding hot as it was. It tasted different, less flavour, but it
still brought a sense of home to me. I used to make tea for Dru, she loved it. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes,
yes, I see. We’ll meet you there.” While I was wandering down memory lane,
Rupert had called what could only be Red. He put down the phone and smiled that
knowing smile again. “Like it?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
glanced at the cup in my hands. “Yeah. Better than I ‘ad in ages. Americans
just can’t make tea properly.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
have to agree with you,” he smiled. “Talking about food, do you need more
blood?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
was surprised, to say the least. Oh, they kept a few bags around for me, usually
animal blood, but I had a feeling he meant something else. “I need more,” I
replied honestly. “Don’t know if I can do that ritual again without some
extra strength if you know what I mean.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
think I do. We’ll take care of it.”And
that was that. He didn’t offer any explanation, just acknowledged my comment. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Again
we made that blasted trip to the hospital. I hoped that when this was over, I
never had to see the inside of that building again. Red and the Slayer were
already waiting for us. No poof, no Tara. I asked Red about her girlfriend and
she smirked. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“She’s
trying to keep the nurses busy, so is Angel.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A
bit more than I wanted to know. That devil can be a charmer if he puts his mind
to it, I ought to know. Shaking the uneasy feeling off, I headed for Xander’s
room. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wait,”
the Slayer called me back. I sent her a nasty glare; she ignored it. Instead she
held out a bottle. “Take this before we start the ritual.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
took the bottle; it was still warm. Blood, human blood. Carefully I removed the
cap and took a swig. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Bloody
Hell!!” It spread like wildfire through my body, coursing through my veins
with break neck speed. Everything became clearer, more defined. I took another
gulp. Slayer’s blood, my mind supplied. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Take
it you like?” she asked. “Well, enjoy it, because it’s the only time
you’re gonna get it.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
didn’t care. I simply nodded my thanks to her and gulped down the contents of
the bottle. This was the stuff. It had been over 30 years since I’d tasted it
and that hadn’t been half as good. Buffy Summer’s blood oozed power. They
called her the best Slayer ever, something I knew but never acknowledged. I had
no choice now but to admit it. Putting down the empty bottle and wiping my mouth,
I nodded at her again. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Slayer.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She
eyed me curiously, frowned then nodded too, a tiny smile stretching her lips.
She understood what I was trying to tell her, that I finally acknowledged what
she was, a worthy adversary. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike.”
The same feeling shone through her voice. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A
hand tugging at my sleeve made me break eye contact. It was Red. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“There’s
more blood if you need it,” she said, gesturing at two more bottles that were
standing on the tiny table. I stared at her. She shrugged. “You’re part of
the bond, whether we like it or not.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Then
it dawned. One bottle of her blood, one of Rupert’s. The temptation was almost
too much, but I shook my head. “Afterwards.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She
nodded. “Okay. Let’s do this.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It
took them little time to set things up. I noticed some differences from the last
time, but didn’t comment. They were the magic experts, not me. I’m no slouch
in that department, but Red and Rupert’s combined forces were way out of my
league. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We
gathered around the bed, me on Xander’s left, Rupert on his right, joined
hands then Red began to chant. No Tarot cards needed, the bond established
itself immediately. It was softer, more flowing than the first time, clearly
serving another purpose. This was for removing barriers. I felt the Slayer power
touch me, adding more strength to what she had given me through her blood and
then a tingle of magical power, gentle and soothing, Red. I smiled when I felt
the depth of her power. She didn’t know half of what she was capable. Another
shot of the same thing but darker, rawer. My smile deepened, Rupert was finally
revealing himself for the Sorcerer he was. I heard Red gasp in surprise and
grinned. And then a feeling like a soft breeze, calming, loving. Xander. He was
there! Judging by the reactions of the others they had felt it too. Doubling our
efforts we tried to break the barrier we were now clearly feeling, pushing
harder and harder. A collective gasp escaped us when we pushed through, not so
much because of our victory, but because of what we felt. A wave of brightness,
there’s no other way I could describe it, washed over us, enveloped us.
Gratitude, joy, but most of all love. A murmur of voices filled my head, each
one soft and awed. It left a bitter taste in my mouth. They should’ve known,
should’ve known all along what he was like. The one that binds, the prophecy
said, and how right it was. Without the confidence he had in them, they would be
dead and buried by now. I got a barb from the Slayer for that thought, bringing
home that she could hear me too. I was about to answer when the bond broke. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We
just stared at each other for a moment, dazed. Then Buffy let out a deep sigh. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wow.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah,
that was…” Red said. “Giles, goddess!” she added with barely concealed
awe. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
smiled at her. “I only wish you had found out in better circumstances.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Compared
to you I’m a nobody!” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No.
You have far greater power than I ever had. You’ll learn.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>No
doubt with his guidance. A shiver rolled down my spine thinking of what they
could do when Red came to her full powers. Every demon and vampire in town would
flee in terror. If they had the chance. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Huh?”
</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I
said I never realised you had magical potential.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
grinned at Rupert’s surprise. I’d known, but never made much use of it.
Never had a reason to, relying on my vampire strength and reflexes had always
been enough. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Some,”
I shrugged, not wanting to give too much away. After all, they were vampire
hunters and I was a vampire. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“A
little more than that, I believe.” He eyed me suspiciously. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Maybe.”
</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
is there a reason you’re breaking my hand?” The somewhat hoarse voice
directed our attention to the person on the bed. He was laying there, his eyes
wide open and smiling. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander!”
Red was the first to reach him. She nearly climbed on the bed in order to grab
him in a bone-crushing hug. Bone-crushing..what did he say about breaking? Oh
right. I loosened my grip on his hand, but did not let it go. It wasn’t that
hard a grip, was it? Couldn’t be, the chip didn’t react. Deciding that it
had been another one of Xander Harris’ antics, I forgot about it. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hey
Wills, need to breathe here!” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Red
let go, giggling. “Sorry, but I’m just so happy you’re back!” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
smiled up at her. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Heya
big brother.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His
smile deepened as he looked at Buffy. “Hey little sis. Somehow that doesn’t
seem right.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She
too hugged him, with a little more care than Red. “You can call me that, no
prob.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He
grinned, a truly mischievous twinkle appearing in his eyes. No doubt already
thinking of a way to use that against her. Did I mention he has an evil mind? He
looked past her, letting his gaze go around the room. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hey
you guys. Thanks.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re
welcome,” Rupert said quietly. Come on, Rupes give the guy a hug! Of course
not. He just shook Xander’s hand. Got you wondering what he had in mind once
he got Xan in his bed, read him stories? Well, this vampire had other ideas. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike,
I’m not planning on leaving any time soon, so you can let go.” Yeah right.
Not in this lifetime, mate. Giving a quick glance at the others I bent over and
hugged him. He tensed for a moment then I heard him chuckle and relax in my
arms. When I drew back I saw him grin broadly, winking at me. Caught on quickly,
good boy. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike???”
Astonishment with a trace of anger. The Slayer. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That’s
me.” I looked at her, smiling as innocently as I could. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
is this??”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What
is what?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She
sighed. Perfect. “Why are you hugging Xander?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You
did.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes,
but he’s my friend.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And
what makes you think ‘e isn’t my friend too?” Digest that. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She
rolled her eyes. “Yeah rrriiiight!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let’s
not argue now.” Oh come on Red, this was fun! She threw me a dirty look and I
decided to back off. No messing with this kind of power, no sir. So I held up my
hands and kept my mouth shut. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We
stayed for another ten minutes or so. Then the blonde witch entered announcing
she couldn’t hold off the nurse any longer. Her face lit up when she saw
Xander was awake. The hug they shared was awkward from her side, but genuine
none the less. I liked this girl, she was honest. Shy, but there was a look in
her eyes that told me she knew exactly who could be trusted and who couldn’t.
And yes, it couldn’t be helped, who entered not a minute later? The poof. He
smiled at Xander and made some noises that seemed to indicate he was glad the
boy was with us again. Then again, it could’ve meant something else entirely.
I never paid that much attention to what he meant anyway. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
entrance of a nurse broke the party up. We were thrown out but not after
promising we would be back later on. Like anyone could’ve kept me away. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, you need a ride?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No. Gonna find me some demons to kill.” Grinning at Red’s startled
face, I added, “Working off the tension, luv.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh. Okay.” Gotta love that girl, knows her priorities. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Who said something about killing demons?” The Slayer stood next to
me, tension radiating off her. “Well, whoever it was, I’m with them.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Buffy, you sure?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She glared at Rupert, who literally took a step back. Wise move. “Yeah,
I’m sure. This whole ritual thingie has me wound up tighter than whatever it
is that is wound up tight.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Which probably means in real English that you need to work off some
adrenaline.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah, something like that.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I followed the conversation with impatience. “Well Slayer, you with me
or wot?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let’s go work off some adre..ade…stuff.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The town looked deserted. The people of Sunnydale were the most
professional head-in-the-sand stickers I had ever met, but at least they knew
not to go out after dark. Fine by me, no humans in the way, no headaches for me.
Now gimme a nice, big, nasty demon to kill and I’m happy. Make that two, one
for me, one for the Slayer. Hey, I can share. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She halted in her tracks. “What’s that?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I glanced around. “Don’t see a thing.” I did sense something and I
didn’t like it. “Oi, if you want some fun, find your own demon,” I called
out. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, are you insane??”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah and proud of it. Come on, Peaches, show that ugly mug of yours.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A figure appeared from the shadows. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Angel?”Oh pulease,
don’t tell me you didn’t know that. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Buffy, Spike. I was just going home.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“The mansion is the other way.”Ooh sarcasm, didn’t know she had it in her. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes, I know but…”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You wanted your share of the fun,” I cut in. “Why don’t you just
say what you mean for a change?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He glared at me, a flash of yellow colouring his eyes for a second. I
knew enough, he was in for some heavy duty fighting. These were the moments I
actually liked him, when he lets the demon rule him and forgets all about that
pesky soul of his. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let’s go kill something,” he growled. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I exchanged a look with the Slayer. She just gave a short nod in reply to
my unspoken question. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Permission granted,” I smirked, dodging two blows. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It wasn’t long until we found our first victim or it found us. Dropping
from a tree, it landed right in front of us. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Dinner is served guys.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It stared at her with bleary blood red eyes. Four eyes. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“A Vortrak, perfect.” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I couldn’t agree with him more. Vortraks are nasty critters, the
‘don’t care how you kill it as long as you kill it’ types. They are big,
reasonably fast and mean. Just what we needed. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We pounced on it simultaneously. Peaches going for the head, the Slayer
for the heart and me for the legs. It was a great fight, the Vortrak hollering,
kicking and biting, us doing the same. At one point I saw a glimpse of my
Sire’s face. In gameface, mouth open, showing full length fangs, a murderous
look in his eyes. He caught my look and grinned. It was only a flash, but I knew.
The vampire known as the Scourge of Europe had emerged. It gave me renewed
strength as I fought the damned beast harder. We finally managed to kill it,
leaving nothing but a puddle of goo. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Damn, that felt good!” I exclaimed, looking at the pitiful remains
of the Vortrak. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It sure did, Childe.” It had been a long time since he called me his
Childe in such a way. I glanced at him and gave him a broad grin. He was still
in game face and wearing the same grin as me. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh my God…” We turned to the Slayer, who was standing a few feet
away from us, mouth agape. “You guys are..just….wow.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Meaning we still got it,” I smirked. Angel kept on grinning. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Remind me not to go up against you when you’re in a mood like this,”
the Slayer added, clearly having found her vocal chords again. She shivered,
eyeing us with caution. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Morphing back into his human face, Angel smiled at her. “You’d better
not.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That was obviously not what she expected to hear, but it made me light
headed. Despite my slight handicap, he still regarded me as the one who fought
with him all those years. Not completely equal, Sire and Childe never are, but
still worthy enough. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Brings back old times,” I sighed. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smirked and that made <i>me</i> shiver. There was a devilish gleam in
his eyes and that usually meant trouble for me. “Talking about old times,
remember the time when we found that nest of Ratlov demons?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No, no, no, no, no…” I moaned, banging my head against the nearest
tree. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He continued relentlessly. “They’re small demons, about the size of a
rat.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hence Ratlove,” Buffy cut in. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He didn’t correct her, just grinned at me. “Well, Spike wouldn’t
agree with you. There was no love lost between him and them.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“They were nasty!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“They are,” he agreed. “And you’re afraid of them.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not!!”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then why did you lock yourself in the closet when Dru brought one home
because she thought they were cute?”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It ate half her face!!” The image still haunts me. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes, but that doesn’t explain why you turned and ran the moment you
saw one for the first time.”</span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I growled at him, he just smiled. The bastard! Yes, I can’t stand the
sight of them. Rats in general give me the shivers. “Just like you when you
see anything that flies,” I shot back. The dark stare I received for that
comment was well worth the earlier humiliation. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You guys are pulling my leg, right?” </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Angel nodded, winking at me over her head. Call this the mother of all
surprises, he let me off the hook! I briefly considered pushing further, but the
thought of more embarrassing stories from his side made me clamp down on that
urge. </span>
</p><p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We parted at the Summer’s house. I was invited to stay there, but I
declined. I needed to go to Rupert’s place; we had some serious talking to do.
</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Rupert
was still up when I arrived, sitting on the couch, Scotch in hand. Unlike the
night before, he was sipping it calmly, savouring the taste. Hang on, there was
another bottle in the house?? </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What did you kill, the sewer system?” he asked, looking at me like I
was some lab specimen. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Glancing at my clothes, I realised I was filthy. Demon goo was splattered
all over my T-shirt and shirt and over…my..my duster! ”Oh fuck!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He put the glass down on the table and stood. “Dry cleaning,” he said,
gesturing at my duster. “Only way to get it out. Put it on the pile.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Pile? I looked around and saw indeed a pile of clothes lying in the
corner behind the small TV. Bit sloppy for G-man. Damn, I’m beginning to think
like the whelp! “Demons?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He nodded, grinning. “If that was the only hazard…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I nodded my agreement, shed my coat, folded it and put it on the pile.
Now for the rest..</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Take a shower, I’ll dig up some clothes.” Call me stunned, but for
a moment I couldn’t move. For the last two days they’d all been kind to me,
like we were friends or something.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You are not sitting on my couch with that filth on your clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That was more like it. All that friendliness was creeping me out. I
headed for the bathroom, shoved away the unpleasant memories of that bathtub and
turned the tap on. No shower, I was going all the way, soaking in a nice hot
bath. I scanned the various bottles, grinning at the exotic names on some of
them. Who’d thought old Rupert would buy something called Wild Orchid? I chose
some stuff that didn’t smell too much. None of those poofy things for me.
Sinking into the hot water, I felt myself relax for the first time in days. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I opened my eyes and saw nothing but a blur. Tried blinking,
but there was getting water in my eyes. Oh, right. I sat up quickly, realising I
must’ve fallen asleep. Good thing I can’t drown. The water was cold by now,
so I exited the bathtub swiftly. There were towels lying on the radiator andsweatpants and a T-shirt on the stool in front of it. I’d never heard
Rupert come in, must’ve been out cold. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>As soon as I was dressed in somewhat too large clothes, I padded to the
living room. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Thought I’d let you sleep.” Rupert was sitting on the couch again.
“Scotch?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Flopping down on the other end of the couch, I nodded. “Please.” What
the fuck was wrong with me??? I never say ‘please’. After the first sip I
forgot my annoyance at my unusual behaviour. This stuff was gold. “I
could’ve drowned.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He shot me a smile as a reply. So much for trying to be nasty. “Just
tell me, you used the bath oil from the unlabeled bottle, did you not?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>How the hell did he know?? “Yeah.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Thought as much.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And? He didn’t continue and that drove me bonkers. “What of it?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>With a grin he turned to me. “Tara made that. It relaxes the whole body
and the mind. She said never to use it in a full tub, because of the danger of
drowning in your sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh. “It helped,” I shrugged, making a mental note to ask her for a
bottle. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It sure does.” He grinned again then turned serious. “I guess we
have to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes.” I took another sip from my whisky. Liquid courage, I was going
to need it. This was going to be one hell of a conversation. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I am not going to ask you if you care about Xander - you’ve more
than proven that in the last couple of days - but I think you can’t blame me
for being somewhat cautious.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Meaning he didn’t trust me as far as he could throw me. Fair enough.
“I love him. Take that any way you want.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A small smile crossed his face. “I believe you.” Like I’d lie about
something like this! Not now, not over Xander! “Don’t look so offended.
Hardly strange I should doubt you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I look offended whenever I want to. And doubt me? Doubt me over
anything, but not on love.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That’s what I’m so afraid of, I don’t.” He sighed deeply.
“Don’t take me wrong, but you are a vampire.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I sent him my best ‘duh’ look. Knowing all too well what he meant, I
decided to respond. “Possessive to the extreme.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“For one. You realise you will condemn Xander to a life in darkness.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Now that raised my hackles but good. “And what kind of life do you have
to offer him?? Always come in second after your Slayer??” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Rupert winced, my demon cheered. “He won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh no? Just because he knows what you are, doesn’t mean he will
understand.” The second the words rolled out of my mouth I realised that
Xander would understand. He would take second place without hesitation. Well,
this guy was not going for that; with me he would come first and last. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Rupert gave me a smile. “I see you realise the error you just made. He
will. I’m not saying I like that, I don’t. It will probably take a lifetime
to convince him otherwise.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I had to agree. Xander would always put others before him. I exchanged a
look with Rupert. We weren’t going anywhere with this discussion. I put my,
now empty, glass down and stood. “I’m off.” He didn’t say a word,
neither did I.I left his house and
headed for my crypt. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The next evening I was in the hospital as soon as the sun had set. The
others had all visited him during the day and Red had managed to get me in
tonight after visiting hours. She didn’t tell me how, but probably with some
cooked-up story. Didn’t matter. I was in, and hell to the ones that wanted me
out. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The boy looked up from the book he was reading when I entered and smiled.
“Hey, Spike. Willow said she would try and get you in tonight.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Please don’t tell me how,” I grunted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I don’t know, but knowing Wills…” He didn’t go on, just looked
at me with twinkling eyes. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Did she ever think of becoming a con artist?” I inquired, sitting
down on the edge of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not that I know of. Ask her.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh, this felt good. Our usual routine of arguing and bickering.
“Later,” I nodded. “How are you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Fine. Well, my leg is kinda heavy, but otherwise okay.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Those blasted demons broke his leg, something I had completely forgotten
with everything else that was going on. “No pain?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Nope.” He laughed. “It’s funny to have you so worried over me.
You sure you’re you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Damn sure.” It was hard to suppress the smile and realising it
didn’t matter, I smiled. He grinned back. “Not so sure myself.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent">
  <span>We could go on forever with this
game, in fact we almost did at one time. Got us thrown out of the Slayer’s
home. Yet now was not the time to start another one. “Pet, I have to ask..”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What happened?” He shrugged. “You’re not the only one, but most
likely one of the few that can understand how it felt.” I arched one eyebrow.
“A door that stood wide open, but you couldn’t get into the room.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I nodded in understanding. “That I know about.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He didn’t comment, just went on telling. “I couldn’t see a thing;
my eyes wouldn’t open, but I could hear everything. The nurses, the doctor,
you all. Trying so hard to get me back. But no matter how hard I tried, I
couldn’t. Kept running into that barrier.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“So you wanted to wake up?” I had to know that for sure. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah.” There was offence in his voice, something that I revelled in.
“At first I kinda liked it, all quiet and peaceful. Then it became boring and
then scary. I can’t tell you how happy I was you guys broke me out.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I can,” I said softly. I had felt it, so had the others. “You made
it very clear.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Did I?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Didn’t the rest tell you that???” I couldn’t believe I was
hearing this. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“More or less. Willow was all giddy about it, told me I could’ve lit
up the entire town with the brightness I produced.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The whole world, the whole bloody universe. My universe. “She’s right.
Surprised the hell out of them.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Didn’t surprise you?” He was looking at me from underneath his
lashes. It was almost like he was flirting with me! Sodding imagination, stop it!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not really,” I admitted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Well, I was surprised, shocked more like it. Not about myself,
couldn’t feel that, but I never knew..” He trailed off, looking embarrassed.
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You never knew they cared.” Bitterness crept into my voice; how
could they not? </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Cared, yeah, but not this much. Willow, okay, she’s my pal, my
oldest friend. She loves me and I love her.” He paused, sending me a
meaningful look, which I ignored. I knew what he meant. Red, I wasn’t bothered
with, I knew what kind of love they shared. Friendship, the truly meaningful
kind. Obviously realising I wasn’t going to comment, he went on, “Buffy was
not a real shock either. Went a little further than I ever imagined, feels good.”
A soft smile played around his lips. “She gave me respect, recognition for
what help I can offer her.” A sigh escaped him. “But Giles…wow.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Came out of the left field, eh? For you and me both, pet. “Didn’t
expect that?” I asked a coolly as possible. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hell no! Never in a million years! I mean, Giles!!”I kept the smile in with a huge effort. So, he didn’t want him…
“Not that I don’t care about him, but I never thought of him like that.”Good. “I mean I care a lot about Giles.” That good? Not so good.
“He always kinda knew what to say to me. Can’t count the hours I spent in
that library, apart from the research and stuff, just enjoying the quiet.
Must’ve read half the books there. Yeah, I do read more than comics,” he
added with a grin. I hadn’t been about to comment. “Giles always let me.
Never asked questions, only to ask if I wanted a soda or something. Loved it
there.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That I could see. With the parents he had, he wanted a substitute.
Could’ve done worse than Giles. I may not see eye to eye with him over a lot
of things, but he took good care of the kids. Or, tried the best he could.
“Miss that place?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah, I do. The Magic Box is okay too, but it’s not the same.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I suddenly understood why he hid between the ‘forbidden stuff’, as
the girls called it, so often. Hardly anyone ever came there. Red sometimes, but
she knew him well enough to leave him be. “Not quiet enough.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He nodded. “Yeah. So, I looked for something else. Found it too. It’s
not exactly safe, but I like it there.” He fell silent, looking at me shyly.
“Never noticed me sitting behind your crypt?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I hadn’t and I could smack myself for it. “Not exactly safe?? Bloody
dangerous, pet!!” I didn’t know whom I was angrier with, me or him. In any
case, it was too dangerous for him to be sitting there. “Next time, just come
in, all right?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Okay.” I was stunned. He wasn’t the kind of man to give in that
easily. Oh, he may look like a dork, but I knew he wasn’t. Once something was
stuck inside his head, you had to remove it with a crowbar. Stubborn. He
chuckled. “Didn’t think I would agree on that, did you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No,” I replied honestly. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He looked down at his hands that were moving nervously. “I..Iwantedyoutoaskmein…”
Oh. Ah. “Wanted to go in so many times, never had the nerve.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Why the fuck not? I kept my anger down with difficulty. Looking down at
those restlessly moving hands, fingers that were plucking nervously at he
blanket, it wasn’t so difficult after all. I put my hand op top of his to
still those movements. He didn’t react, didn’t even blink. “Why?” I
asked him gently. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because at those times I need silence, quiet. No questions and
certainly no snarky comments.” He looked at me again, almost apologetic.
“Just a place to be.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“A place to think.” I was starting to get it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No.” Apparently not. “A place where I don’t need to think, where
there’s nothing or no one that will make me think.” I willed my brain in
that direction. It made a strange kind of sense. To be in a place where you just
can sink into yourself and the hell with everyone else. Difficult to do,
especially in a hellhole like this. “And if you say I’m brooding, I’ll
kick you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Glancing at the cast on his leg, I winced, more for show than anything
else. He grinned, knowing it for the joke that it was. “Brooding is feeling
sorry for yourself,” I told him, “feeling sorry for things you can’t do a
bloody thing about. What you do sounds more like meditating.” He eyed me
curiously. Didn’t expect me to know about those things, did you? “Spent some
time in China, learned it there. Tried to teach it to Dru, but her mind was too
messed up.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smiled, thoughtfully. “You keep on surprising me. But yeah, it’s a
kind of meditation I do. Just sink into nothingness. It helps me cope.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Nothing wrong with that, pet. Better way than hitting the bottle.”
And luv, you have so many reasons to do that, shitty parents, friends who let
you down more times than you want to admit, living on a Hellmouth, lousy taste
in women….okay the last one was more his own doing, but still. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That is one thing I’ll never do,” he replied firmly. “No way.
I’d rather be eaten by a demon than do that.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That hardly came as a surprise. His childhood was destroyed by alcoholic
parents; a mother who was passed out most of the day and a father who beat the
shit out of him. The fuck still did that, I knew. He had to get out of that
stinking basement one way or the other. “Again, next time, come in. Door’s
never locked and it doesn’t matter whether I’m there or not. Just don’t
sit outside, pet.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stared at me, an intense look that made the hair at the back of my
neck stand on end. “It’s weird, but in the bond you are the weakest, because
you weren’t part of the ritual itself. Yet I felt you so strongly, stronger
than the others.” If possible his look intensified, brown eyes becoming almost
black. “I want what you offer me. Want to be close to you, want to be with you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It wasn’t what I expected him to say. I was hoping he wouldn’t run
away from what I told him through that link, but this almost rational statement
was a big shock. My demon didn’t agree with me though; this was the kind of
language it understood, and as a result it was almost purring with delight.
Want, take, have. I lived by that rule nearly my whole vampire existence. With
him, I didn’t want that, but it seemed he had other ideas. Well, I could live
with that. “You know what I want.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah.” His voice was soft. Then he tilted his head to one side, the
intense look replaced by a well-known one, all puppy eyes. “Me?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes pet, you,” I laughed, giving in to the urge to ruffle his hair.
The next moment he was in my arms, burying close. At that moment I understood.
He wanted a safe place, a place to hide from everything, and had clearly decided
I was the one to give him that place. Well, you’re welcome, luv, I’ll be
here as long as you need me. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>We sat there until he began to nod off. Carefully I laid him on his back
and watched him sleep for a while. He looked peaceful, a small smile playing
around his lips. And this softie was happy about it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Over the next few days I went to the hospital the second the sun set and
I stayed until he fell asleep. We talked a lot, I held him in my arms and it was
great. Still there was a nagging little voice in the back of my mind that kept
on whispering that things weren’t quite as they should be. I ignored it, not
wanting to break my happy mood. And happy I was. Until the day before he was
released from the hospital. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I came in to find ol’ Rupert sitting by him. I had avoided that stuck
up ex-Watcher since the night he tried to keep me away from Xander, and I
wasn’t pleased to see him now. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike.” The warmth in Xander’s voice did little to lessen my
annoyance. By the looks of it, Rupert wasn’t very pleased to see me either.
Like I’d care. I gave Xan a hug, making it last a bit longer than necessary. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, I know this is your time to visit Xander, but I had something
to discuss.” The ‘duh’ nearly made it out of my mouth, but I managed to
bite it back. Instead I threw him a puzzled look, acting like I didn’t know
what the hell he was talking about. “And give you this.” My duster!! I
snatched it out of his hands, shrugged off my jacket and donned mytrusted coat. Ah, what a feeling!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, behave. You know why he’s here.” Xander gave me a hard
stare, something that didn’t have a lot of impact due to the gentle way he
squeezed my hand. “Giles, I think it’s better you leave. I’ll talk to
Spike.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There was nothing to talk about. He was mine. End of discussion. I got
another stern look. Damn, could he read my mind?? Rupert stood and walked out
without a word. Hell, what was going on here?? “Pet, what is happening here?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Giles has been sitting here since this afternoon. He had a lot on his
mind. And in true Giles style it took a while before he finally admitted why he
was here.” A shrug. “Not that I didn’t already know, but he needed to tell
me. So I listened.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The Heart at work. I smiled at that thought; my boy was doing his job
again. “And now you need to talk to me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes. No need to tell you what about. You know.” I nodded, got a
small smile in reply. “It’s weird, for years no one was interested in me,
not in that way anyway, and now two at once. Can you blame me for being confused?
Not to mention freaked out?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I couldn’t. “No. Although Rupert has been checking you out for ages.”
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re kidding??”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I wasn’t. “Noticed it from the start. Had a chuckle or two about it.
Didn’t realise how deep it went until this shit happened. And yeah, I have a
problem with it.” I decided to spare him the details of my little argument
with Rupert. No need to upset him. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because you think I’m yours.” Blimey, where did that bucket of ice
water come from?? </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You are, aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His eyes turned cold. “No. I belong to myself, I’m no one’s pet.”
He spat the last word out in disgust. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re not. Gods, Xan, it’s just a nickname I use!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I hate it. I can count the times you called me by my real name. Every
time it’s Pet or Whelp, and those are the nicer ones.” He was angry. At me.
And for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I call everyone names. You at least get the nice ones. Sometimes.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That’s true,” he relented. “But I don’t like it. Makes me feel
helpless. I’m not.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I was fed up. “Okay luv, what’s this all about?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You don’t own me!” The anger was back, full force. “You think
you do, but you don’t!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Part of me told me he was right, the other part screamed in protest. He
was mine! “The vampire in me believes that,” I said, carefully choosing my
words. “You told me you wanted what I offered you and for the demon that means
owning you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Well, it doesn’t.” Did I say he was stubborn? Bloody pigheaded
more like it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Maybe not. All right, not,” I added, catching the glare. “But
there is a part of me that is human, believe it or not, and the human made the
offer. I want to give you that place you need, but you can’t force me not to
want more.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I can’t and I won’t. But I can’t give more, not to you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I closed my eyes and wished for a thousand painful deaths for that peace
of shit called Rupert Giles. I’d known he was capable of playing dirty, but
this went beyond anything I’d ever imagined him doing. I rose from the bed.
“Then there’s nothing left to say. Hell, yes, there is. I love you. Take it
or leave it.” Without a backward glance I strode out of the room, keeping my
composure until I was out of the hospital. I was going to kill that bloody
Watcher!! The wall got a thorough beating, until my knuckles were raw and
bleeding, the pain clean and welcome. What that wall got was nothing compared to
what I was going to do to Rupert Giles. There was only one downside; I
couldn’t. If I hadn’t been furious already that fact made me madder than
hell. Fuck the chip! I was going there and I was going to kick his ass in a
spectacular way even if it would fry my brain. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I was there before I knew it, having run all the way in a mad fury. I
seriously considered breaking down the door, but backed out from that plan,
thinking he might have revoked my invitation. So, I knocked. Okay, I pounded. It
took him mere seconds to open the door and even less to hit the carpet. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What the…” he mumbled, looking up at me. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My head was hurting like hell already, but I couldn’t have cared less.
Kicking him in the ribs a couple of times, I began to see red, both out of pain
and out of anger. I kicked and hit him anywhere I could kick and hit him. Sight
was no longer an option, I only saw this great red wall of anger. Xander was
mine!! That was the last thought before my brain gave up the fight and the red
haze slowly became black. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I opened my eyes slowly, not sure if I could accomplish such a task. My
body was aching from top to bottom, my head was one big bruise. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re awake.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The voice was calm and somewhat muffled. A face swam into my sight,
blurry at first, but after some moments my sight began to clear. And my anger
rose again. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Fuck you!” I spat. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Don’t do that. You can yell at me as much as you want later on.
Right now you need to rest.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>To my confusion I noticed his face was intact, no bruises, no black eye,
nothing! I gritted my teeth and ground out, “I’ll do more than just yell.”
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No you won’t. You almost destroyed your brain by beating me up.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He sounded concerned. Couldn’t be. Must be brain damage. “Don’t
fucking care.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“But we do.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I know why you did it and
I understand. The others don’t, not yet anyway. I had to keep Buffy from
staking you while you were unconscious.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Now that was news. Not. “She would stake me just for wearing the wrong
clothes.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He chuckled. “You are probably right. I couldn’t let her do it though,
not this time. You had reason, at least you thought you had.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I had every bloody reason!” Yelling was not a good plan, my throat
felt like sandpaper and it hurt! He handed me a glass of water and helped me up
so I could drink it. This was bloody confusing. The water was good, though. “I
had reason,” I spat again. “You wanted to take him away from me!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I told him how I feel about him, nothing more.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then why did he push me away??” Tell me that, you sod of a Watcher. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He didn’t.” A deep sigh followed. “When you didn’t show up at
the hospital that night, he panicked. It took some effort to calm him down
according to Willow. I wasn’t in any state to go there.” Another sigh, which
had me gloating. So I did beat him up good, didn’t I? “Two broken ribs, a
concussion, two black eyes, a split lip and various other bruises,” he added,
obviously catching my mirth. “You achieved nothing, except putting yourself in
a coma.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Coma?? “For how long?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Nearly a month. We tried everything, but finally had to admit we
couldn’t do a thing to wake you up.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A month??? I was out for a month??? And they….”You tried to wake me
up?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes. It was Angel who told us to stop. If the damage to your brain was
reparable, only time could do that. Your body just shut down to allow your brain
to heal.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>So the big poof told them, surprise, surprise. He was right though, as
much as hated to admit it. We go into a coma when we get seriously injured, much
like humans do, only we almost always wake up from it. I was out for a couple of
days after that bloody church collapsed on me. But a month?? Must’ve been
worse than I thought. Carefully testing my body, I noticed the IV line. “You
fed me like this?” Creative, I had to admit.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes.” No more information from that side, that was clear. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I wriggled my toes, shifted my legs and discovered my right side was far
from cooperative. “Bloody hell.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He sighed. “We were afraid there might be some damage. To be honest,
I’m surprised you woke up at all.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wouldn’t that have been convenient!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I received a glare. “Xander refused to let go of you. He was convinced
you’d be all right.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>An explanation for all this pleasantness, the same one it had been all
along: it was because of Xander. No problem with that. “Where is he?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“At work. His leg has healed, and he started work again this week.”
The Watcher stood, which made me realise he had been sitting on the edge of the
bed all the time. Not keeping watch, surely not! “I shall call him.” He left,
leaving me with at least a hundred questions. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I glanced around the room, trying to determine where the hell I was. Not
Rupert’s place, not the basement (thank God!). It looked vaguely familiar,
though. Approaching footsteps made me look at the door. It opened and revealed
Joyce Summers. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re finally awake,” she said with a smile. I smiled back,
always liked that lady. No nonsense attitude, said what was on her mind. The
Slayer was lucky to have such a tough Mom. She sat down on the bed. “So, how
are you feeling?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Like I was run over by a truck.” I shrugged. “Did it to meself, so
I can’t complain about it, can I?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Rupert told me something, but I have a feeling he didn’t tell me the
whole story. You beat him up badly.” Was it my imagination or was she actually
hiding her glee? “Not that I condone such a thing, but if you took such a risk
you must have had a good reason.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She looked straight at me, challenging me to respond. I grinned, she
surely knew how to make me talk. But I didn’t want to, not before I talked to
Xander first. “I had…have a good reason. I’m not finished with him yet.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Stupid question, but did you try talking to him?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I did. All I got back was Watcher talk. Like I didn’t know all that!!
Like I don’t know Xan will be living in the dark with me, I have no choice in
that. I <i>am</i> possessive, sue me for it!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She smiled , and I realised with a shock I had just told her everything
she wanted to know. Sneaky lady. “There’s nothing wrong with being
possessive as long as it is meant to protect someone.” She got it! The only
one who understood what I was trying to say. “I’m a Mom, Spike, and although
my daughter hardly needs protecting, I can’t help doing it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Tell me about it. You knocked me out with an axe the first time we
met.” I tried to sound annoyed, but failed to keep my grin in. Should word get
out I was knocked down by the Slayer’s Mom, my reputation would be shot. Ah,
hell, it was shot anyway. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She chuckled. “That’s right. And the second time I made you hot
chocolate with marshmallows. Strange turn of events.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I had a vague idea she didn’t just mean the marshmallows. It was indeed
strange; I was the one who was supposed to kill her daughter and ended up
fighting on Buffy’s side. Not by choice, but not exactly unwilling either. I
had my fun fighting demons, and then of course there was Xander. “Very strange,”
I agreed. “The Watcher and me are fighting over Xander.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No, you are fighting Rupert over Xander. For your information, Xander
has been sleeping beside you every night since they brought you here, and Rupert
hasn’t said a word about it.” Uh-oh, pissed off Mom. The worst enemy you can
think of. Hold on…</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He slept here???” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes, he did. Didn’t leave your side for days at first. We had to
force him to eat.” Her expression softened. “He cares deeply about you. I
don’t know how you feel about him….”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I care,” I cut in. “That’s the problem.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No one believes you care,” she said slowly, pensively. “I know
Buffy doesn’t. She was so furious when she heard what you’d done that she…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Threatened to stake me, no news there. She’ll never believe it, but
that doesn’t bother me. If Xander believes I care, nothing else matters.”
Nothing- no one - mattered but that boy. This whole bloody town could sink into
to the Hellmouth for all I cared, as long as he would survive. I would fight
everyone who even so much at uttered a threat to him, fight them until they were
dead or I was dust. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You know, I believe it doesn’t. But settle things with Rupert,
Xander cares about him too.” She threw me a smile and walked out the door. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>With that last sentence she drove home that my problems were a long way
from being solved. I couldn’t settle for a compromise; I wanted Xander for
myself!! On the other hand, making an enemy out of the Watcher was a sure way to
drive Xander away. I sighed. My head was hurting and I was exhausted. My body
told me it needed rest and overruled my brain that was still very much awake. I
closed my eyes and was asleep in an instant. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It was dark, in the room and outside. I didn’t need to look out of the
window to know that, all my senses told me so. It was kind of a relief that
those senses still worked, now if only the rest would too. I tried lifting my
right arm. It worked, but slowly. In doing so I suddenly discovered I wasn’t
alone, someone was in the bed with me. So much for working senses. I turned my
head and found whom I had hoped to find, Xander. Lying on his back, mouth
slightly open, completely out of it. I watched him, a smile slowly working its
way to my face. He’d been here every night, watching me, and now it was my
turn. Not that I hadn’t done it before, countless times, yet never from so
close up. He looked fine again, healthy. No doubt everyone had been after him to
eat regularly, to get enough sleep and such. There was a touch of bitterness in
that thought; they should’ve done that a long time ago. I let it go, simply
because the sight of him forced me to do so. He looked so innocent. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Mmmmhhhggrr.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I smiled for real now. Xander’s waking up noises were…creative.
“’Bout time you woke up.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No, Angelus.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He shot up like lightning, eyes darting around the room and finally his
gaze fell on me. “You..you…,” he gasped.I shook with laughter at the sight of a totally bewildered whelp.
“Don’t laugh!” he spat, but there was a hint of laughter behind it. He lay
down again, facing me. “You haven’t lost your ability to be annoying.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Glad of it,” I replied, being totally honest. He reached out and
touched my face. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Giles and Joyce told me you woke up. Didn’t believe it, wanted to
see it for myself.” There was so much wonder in his voice, it kept me from
giving a snappy comeback. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Woke up this afternoon. First thing I saw was that bloody Watcher’s
face.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He grinned. “Seems fitting. Confronted with your victim and all that.”
The smile fell away from his face. “I should be so mad at you. In fact I am.
Not for hitting Giles, although I’m not too happy with that either, but for
the risk you took. What the hell were you thinking??”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I wasn’t thinking, luv. “Wasn’t. All I saw was that he wanted to
keep you away from me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He wasn’t!! I was the one who pushed you away and not because
someone told me to do that! I freaked…”His voice trailed off with the last words. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You said that. Because all of a sudden there were two people
interested in you.” The wheels in my head began to turn, and I started to
realise what had happened. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And before no one else did. Oh, there was Cordy, but I still don’t
know what that was all about.” He smiled sheepishly. “With Willow, well,
looking back on it now, I think I just gave in to what she wanted. My point is
that the choice was never mine. With you two it is and what a choice it is!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The father figure who tried to keep him safe all those years or the rebel
who walked the dark side. Then my mind reached a point that shocked me. He
wanted us both!!! “Both?” I asked. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He turned away from me, staring upwards. “Yeah.” A short pause. “I
can’t choose. You both mean a lot to me, and hurting either of you is
something I’d rather avoid.” Facing me again, he went on, “Not because of
me, but because of you and Giles. Each of you have things I’m attracted to,
things I want.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My demon was screaming ‘no way!!’, but I could see his point. It
wasn’t like I hadn’t been in this kind of situation before. As much as I
hated my Sire now, there were times when all I wanted was to jump his bones. Dru
always wanted us both, preferably at the same time. There was understanding, but
that didn’t mean I was going to accept it. “You know how I feel about that.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He nodded. “Giles said the same. But I can’t change how I feel!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>This was getting us nowhere. He was caught in the middle and he wasn’t
getting out, not in the near future anyway. So I decided to grab what I could
get. “They said you’d been here every night.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smiled, relief evident. “Yeah. Was worried about you. Besides,
better bed than mine.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That I couldn’t argue with. The chair was bad, but the bed wasn’t
that much better. “Have to agree with you,” I grunted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And how do you know?” Set up. I could kick myself for walking into
that trap. He laughed softly. “I knew, Spike. When it became clear that you
were indeed harmless, I let you. As long as you didn’t wreck the place, I
didn’t mind.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And they said he wasn’t that smart. Watch out kiddies, who knows what
he’s got on you all. I grinned when that thought crossed my mind. We could
cause some serious trouble together. “You’re sneaky,’ I told him. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yep, that’s me. My power is sneakiness.” It came out flat and
dejected. Not that damned inferiority complex again!!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You are sneaky, but the fun part is that your friends don’t know
that. And neither do your enemies. You could make use of that advantage.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stared at me, disbelieving. “Naaahhh…” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yessss…” I hissed back. “They see you as easy prey, haven’t
got a clue what goes on in that mind of yours. You could beat them at every
step.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He kept staring, not convinced. Something Rupert said came back to me,
that it would take a lifetime to convince Xander that he was important. He was
right. “Believe me or not, just keep doing what you do. Maybe you’ll
convince yourself someday.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“When hell freezes over,” he muttered. “But how are you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I grinned, recognizing the evasive move for what it was . “Not too bad.
Can’t move my arm that much, but it’ll heal.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Which arm?” He sat up and looked down at me, worry in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“The right one.” I lifted it up an inch, which was about as far as it
would go. Frustrating as hell, and I hoped I was right about it healing. He bent
over and began to fumble on my left arm. My gut reaction was to pull back
immediately, until I realised what he was doing: he was trying to get the IV
out. “Bloody Hell!!” I cried when he yanked it out. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Cry baby,” he scolded, throwing it beside the bed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That hurt!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I repeat, cry baby. Be glad it hurt, means that arm is okay.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And there was nothing I could say against that. I flexed the muscles and
found them in perfect working order. “Still hurt,” I pouted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He glared. Such a nice glare. “Faker.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Am not.” Pouting clearly wasn’t going to work, because I got
another glare. I still had a question, so I took that route. “You fed me like
this?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“In the end.” A chuckle was the reward for my obviously confused
look. “We tried everything. You wouldn’t drink on your own; we tried pouring
it down your throat, seeing as you can’t choke, but that didn’t work either.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Really gentle,” I commented. I was actually enjoying this. The
sparkle in his eyes, the fun he had in telling me this story. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah,” he smirked. “Then a tube, but that only made a huge mess.
We stopped trying after Joyce read us the riot act. You can’t choke, but damn
can you throw up! We ruined quite a few sheets.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>It was my turn to grin. Not because of the whole throwing up thing, that
only made me nauseous, but the image of Joyce scolding them was really funny.
“So, an IV?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He nodded. “We had thought of that, but discarded it because vampires
don’t have blood circulation. Or so we thought. Research proved us wrong.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We do have some sort of circulation,” I said. “It’s just
different from humans. Which leaves the question, how?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Just squeeze the bag really hard.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wot?!” He doubled over in laughter. “Pillock,” I scolded. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“The look on your face! I wish I had a camera!” Another bout of
laughter. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Won’t show up in a picture,” I muttered, trying to keep the smile
from making an appearance.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Just a matter of speech,” he grinned. “We inserted the line in one
of those extra veins you have. It worked like a charm.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That made sense. Wait, a charm? “You didn’t use magic, did you?”
The thought of them using some Willow mojo on me was not good, to use an
understatement. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wasn’t necessary.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Good.” If I had been able to breathe, I would’ve let out a sigh of
relief. Time for some more pouting. “It still hurts.” I rubbed my hand for
emphasis. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not gonna kiss it better,” he shot back. For some unknown reason I
didn’t comment on that remark, which confused the hell out of me. “Well,
you’re a lefty so that’s a plus.” He knew that?? Soft laughter. “One of
the reasons you could knock me out so easily in the early days was that I
didn’t see it coming. So, I started to wonder why. The next fight you had with
Buffy, I studied your movements and realised you were left-handed.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Damn! That was taking sneakiness to a whole new level. “The Slayer
hasn’t realised that yet.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I told her, but she said it wasn’t important.” He giggled. “It
isn’t, not for her.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“How come?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because Giles trains her and he’s left-handed too.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And that was something I hadn’t noticed, but I took his word for it.
“Damn pet, you’re good!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He shrugged. “Everyone knows about that. He had no other choice.
Angelus broke his right hand, and it never healed properly.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The torture. It came back to me in a flash. I shuddered, not because of
what he’d done to the Watcher, but because of what went down afterwards. He
had decided his victim passed out too soon and took it out on me. “I’ll heal,”
I forced out. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He gave me a suspicious look, but thankfully let it go. For now. Knowing
Xander Harris, he would nag me until he got it out of me. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yeah, you probably will,” he sighed dramatically. “I hope so,”
he added, seriously. “I really do.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I believed him, every word of it. He couldn’t stand seeing someone
suffer no matter who or what they were. I rolled over a bit and put my hand on
his arm, a silent statement. He smiled, looking down on it. It was a warm smile,
as if he liked it. The next moment I knew he liked it, because I was gathered up
in an equally warm embrace. This was not my style, being held like this, but to
hell with it. It felt good. The sound of his heartbeat made me sleepy again, and
as I closed my eyes I heard him whisper something, but I couldn’t make out
what. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>For
the next few days I drifted in and out of sleep. My brain was still healing; it
sure took its bloody time! Yet all in all it wasn’t too bad because I was
spoiled rotten. Everyone waited on me hand and foot, even the Slayer. She did it
with barely concealed irritation, and that perked me up. After four days I had
enough though, and made an effort to leave the bed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>By now I had discovered I was in the Summers’ home. One story was that
they didn’t know where else to put me, the other that Joyce had insisted.
Either way, I was glad they hadn’tstuck
me into that fucking basement. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Carefully I eased out of the bed, setting my feet on the floor. So far,
so good. Standing up was another matter, but in the end I managed that too. I
was already bone tired, but that didn’t quell my determination. I was going to
walk out of here, end of story. Three steps was as far as I got before I had a
meeting with the floor. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You idiot!! You shouldn’t be trying this yet!!” There was a voice
above me, but my sight was a bit blurred from the fall, so I couldn’t make out
whom it belonged to. I was hoisted up and brought back to the bed. There I sat
against the backboard, waiting for my senses to start working again. The first
thing I saw was a red flash. “Red?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes, it’s me. What were you thinking, I mean you’re not strong
enough for this and…” My mind trailed off. I developed a knack for letting
my thoughts wander when Red was babbling. Hey what?? “Xander will be pissed at
you.” Oh, hell. Of course he would be. Ah well, cross that river when I get
there. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I was fed up lying here,” I interrupted the constant stream of words.
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She fell silent and looked at me. “Can imagine,” she said after a
couple of seconds. “Bored, huh?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Out of my skull,” I admitted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>She seemed to ponder that for a moment then her face lit up. “Want me
to see if I can get Buffy to hand over her TV for a while?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That would be something at least. But the Slayer to lend me her TV? Oh,
yes, the whole discussion over that would be entertaining in itself. “Suit
yourself,” I shrugged. She bounced to the door. “Red, be sure you ask her
that where I can hear it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I got a puzzled look in return, but then the penny dropped. She sent me
such a wicked look my head was spinning, and it took some time after she had
walked out of the door for the grin to make it to my face. Bloody hell, that
woman was evil! Nice. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The discussion was everything I hoped for. The Slayer nearly blew a fuse,
Red using every bit of ammo she could think off. In the end I got the TV. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You are one mean son of a bitch!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hey, pet.” He looked delicious, all stormy eyed, hair falling over
his forehead, T-shirt clinging to his chest, yum…</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Don’t you ‘hey, pet’ me! Was it necessary to upset Buffy?!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh, that’s what this was all about. Red, I owe you. Got me a TV, an
entertaining half- hour, and now this. Yup, I owed her. “Did not.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You wanted her TV!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I was bored so Red suggested it. So if you want to yell at someone,
yell at her.” But not now. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh, and she also ‘accidentally’ asked Buffy that just outside this
door??” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Busted. He knew me too well. “I said I was bored,” I shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>All fight seemed to leave him as he shook his head and sat down next to
me. “Warn me if you two ever team up. I want to leave town before that
happens.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We would make quite a team.” We would, actually. Turn her and …not
going there. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That’s what I’m afraid of.” He was grinning now, eyes glittering
with mischief. “I can see the wheels turning in your head. You are actually
thinking about it, aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I could deny it. I could lie. Nah! “Yeah! Wouldn’t you if you were
me?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Maybe. But then again, I’m not you.” He scooted closer, obviously
I had been forgiven. “And what about that little stunt you pulled?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Damn, she told him that?? Red, you’re off my Christmas list. “Tried
walking, didn’t work.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Of course not, you’re too weak. If you want to try walking, just ask
someone to help you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Never. Unless…”You offering?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I might.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“On what condition?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That you stop pestering the others.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Blackmail, huh? I weighed the options in my mind. One, get a kick out of
taunting that whole bunch, two, being supported by those muscled arms while
trying to walk. Difficult choice? No way in hell! “Oh, all right!” I huffed.
Got to keep some sort of dignity. He stared at me, clearly trying to determine
if I was sincere. I wasn’t, well, it was half-hearted, but I’d try. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Okay.” He hopped from the bed. “Gonna take a shower, then we’ll
have the first spin.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Like you as you are now, pet. All sweaty and sexy. I didn’t get time to
voice those thoughts, he was gone before I knew it. Darn! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike?” Oh, just what I needed, that bloody Watcher again. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wot??” I could be annoying with him, the promise I made did not
apply to him, no matter what Xan would think of that. He stared blankly at me,
obviously searching for something to say. He was checking up on us. Missedthe fun!! I had the urge to stick out my tongue, but decided that was a
bit too childish. “If you got something to say, say it!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I…uh…do you need to eat?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>This was too good an opportunity to miss. “Actually I do. You the meal?”
I had to hand it to him, he only blinked once. Then his eyes darkened, and I
knew I was in trouble. He approached me slowly, but steadily, and halted a feet
away from the bed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You may try to get me to some rash things, but you won’t succeed.
Don’t think I don’t want to, but I won’t hurt Xander, no matter what.”
He turned on his heels and left the room. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I was impressed. Few people had the balls to stand up to me, even now,
but he not only did that, he put me back into my place with a vengeance. The
message was clear, if you go on like this, you’ll lose. And fuck it, he was
right! Xan would never allow me to harm any of his friends, tease them, taunt
them, but not hurt them.I’d
better lay low for a while. Boring as hell, but for him I’d do anything. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The days wore on, my movements were getting better, even my right arm was
healing nicely. Still needed help to walk. Um…I didn’t, but can you blame me
for feigning a little? Every night Xander would help me, wrapping his arm around
my waist to support me, holding me very close to him. I was going to stretch
this until he realised I didn’t need help anymore. Hopefully that would take a
long time. Of course, I had underestimated the kid yet again. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He came into my room after about a week, smiling grimly. “Okay, time
for a walk.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I held out my arms, waiting for him to lift me to my feet as he had done
so the previous times. He stayed put. “Pet?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You can get up. Oh puhlease…” he exclaimed with a roll of his eyes,
“What do you think I am, stupid? Maybe I am, but not that stupid. I know you
can walk by yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>How the hell…? I shot him my best puppy dog look, but he wouldn’t
budge, just kept staring at me. With a sigh, I got up and walked a couple of
steps until I was face to face with him. “And how did you know?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He grinned. “Figured out the wheelchair gig too, long before the others
did. It’s something about your movements that gives you away. And the smirk,
of course.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I couldn’t help it, the laugh burst out before I could stop it. He was
just too good at these things. Laughing was not a good idea, though. Even though
I could stand and walk reasonably well, my balance was not quite what it used to
be, so I steadied myself against him. “Sorry pet, have to,” I told him, when
he raised his eyebrows in confusion. “Balance is not there yet.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Call me stupid now, but I believe you,” he smiled, tightening his
grip on me. Felt good. “You know, I shouldn’t be doing this. I should’ve
left you where I found you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Huh? I mean huh? “Found me?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Willow found you and Giles,” he replied, helping me sit back down on
the bed. He sat down next to me, still holding me. Keep that up pet, and I’ll
confess everything. Even things I haven’t done. “She took Giles to the
hospital, but left you there. I was let out of the hospital the next day and
went straight to Giles’ place. Found you on the couch, out cold. By then I
knew what had happened and was standing over you, stake in hand. Wills stopped
me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Red did? “Why’d she do that?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It wasn’t her call. Giles said not to stake you. Why I don’t know,
he hasn’t told me yet. Anyway, we took you here and waited.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Surprise, surprise. Giles didn’t want me to be dust. I could take a
guess at the reason, he wanted revenge. He could get it, but not yet. Still,
hadn’t expected this. “So I have to prepare meself for another fight?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He shook his head. “I talked him out of that one. Solves nothing,
Spike. I would lose you and be mad at him.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And Xander would be the victim yet again. “I see.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He turned to me, a pleading look in his eyes. “Please solve this. You
both know what I want, now it’s up to you. I don’t care how you solve it,
just do. And no fighting!” he added with a stern look. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“No sir,” I answered as meekly as I could. It made him laugh. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Meek doesn’t suit you,” he grinned. “Come on, let’s go
downstairs. Joyce still has some blood in the fridge. I’ll help you down the
stairs, don’t worry.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>How well he could read me. I was kind of scared to go down those stairs.
I stood and walked to the door, he followed me and held me close while
descending the stairs. Once at ground level, I held on to him for a moment.
“Thanks, luv.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smiled warmly, tightening his hold. “I care for you. I don’t know
why, but I do. Please don’t let me lose you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And that was an easy promise to make. “You won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The next day I made a decision. I didn’t wait for Xander to come up and
help me down the stairs, I managed it myself. Took some effort, but I didn’t
do too bad. The Slayer stood watching me; I swear she was smirking. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Something funny?” I asked her, while resting a bit before heading
for the living room. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Well, yes. Never thought I would see this, William the Bloody
completely helpless.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I have been for over a year. Don’t tell me you missed that?” Her
words hit me harder than I cared to show. Sneering helped. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I didn’t. And you weren’t so helpless after all. Or did you forget
what put you in this state?” She wasn’t budging. She wanted blood. Or dust. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And did you forget it was your ex who put me in this state in the
first place?” Bingo. Wide eyes, spitting fire. Now for the let down.
“Doesn’t matter luv, I got used to it. As for what I did to the Watcher,
that’s between him and me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyTextIndent2">
  <span>“Anyone who touches my
friends…” Full Slayer mode. To be honest, I liked that in her. She would
defend her friends to the death. It was a pity they first had to rub her nose in
it before she noticed they needed help.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I promised Xan I wouldn’t hurt him again.” Peace offering? Not on
your life! Just wanted her to get out of my way. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And you are sooo good at keeping your promises…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Depends on the promise and whom I promise it to.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That seemed to do the trick. She stepped back, literally and figuratively.
Good girl. The lethal glare I got while passing her didn’t impress me, so I
shrugged it off and walked into the living room. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I said, don’t pester the others.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“She started it.” No defence, just stating a fact. One Xander
couldn’t argue with. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“All right. I’ll let it pass, this time…” The threat was even
less impressive than the Slayer’s glare. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Save your breath, pet. Want you to drive me to the Watcher’s.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You what?? Spike…” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I closed the distance between us, halting mere inches away from him.
“You asked me to solve this problem, I am going to try, all right?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His gaze softened as he looked me straight in the eye. Try and find an
ulterior motive, pet, you won’t find one. Mere seconds later he smiled.
“Okay.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>And there I was, staring at the front door of the apartment I spent so
many days in. Hating each and every one of those days, by the way, even when the
Scoobies decided I didn’t need to be chained to the bathtub anymore. I was
also facing one of the most difficult situations in my existence, never having
been one for compromises. Still, I had to reach one or else I was left with
nothing at all. I knocked, nice and gentle.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The door swung open. “Spike.” So much for a welcome. But he did step
sideways to let me in. I was surprised he hadn’t revoked my invitation yet. I
strode in, threw my duster on the deskand
flopped down on the couch. “Xander’s not with you?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He brought me here, but he’s not coming in. You and I need to
talk.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You can do that without running away?” Oh, why don’t you just pull
out a stake and use it! I know I’m pathetic, no need to rub it in!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Without fighting, without running away.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smiled. “You promised Xander.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Bloody hell!! “Slayer called you?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“As a matter of fact, she did.” He handed me a Scotch. So, he was
going to be polite again? “I know we need to sort this out, Spike.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let’s do it then.” What a wonderful glare! But Xan’s is better.
“If we don’t we’ll both be losers.” And the glare got even darker! Had
him climbing the walls without even trying. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He sat down opposite me. “I guess you’re right,” he sighed.
“Although I can’t see how.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You know what Xan wants?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He told me.” And something told me he hadn’t liked that one bit.
“I must say, it was quite unexpected.I
don’t know what I had expected, but certainly not this.” Another, weary,
sigh escaped him. Somewhere there was humour in this situation. He never
expected to be competing with a vampire over anyone. Which was kind of strange;
he had done so before. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to laugh over it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Came a bit out of the blue for me too,” I admitted, deciding to go
for honesty. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I can imagine. Not used to competition?” Definite venom shone
through his voice. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“More than used to it,” I shrugged, using the movement to hide my
shudder. Thinking about those times still makes a chill run along my spine.
“Angelus wasn’t one for sharing either.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I see….No, I suppose he wasn’t. What about you?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Right to the point, no escape possible. “Depends.” I hesitated for a
second. “No, I’m not. When I love, I want it all.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He looked at me, his gaze unreadable. “As do most people,” he finally
said. “No one can blame you for that, Spike. However, the question remains
whether you are capable of loving someone?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My restraint went out of the window. Jumping up, I stumbled around the
room. A far cry from my usual pacing, but I needed the movement. “Why can’t <i>anyone</i>
understand you don’t need a soul to love?! I stayed with Dru for a century,
endured all her madness, went wherever she wanted, did whatever she wanted me to
do. Why?! Because I loved her! I still do!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Nobody questions your love for Drusilla, twisted as it may have
been.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I halted, staring in disbelief. “It was not twisted!! Not on my part. I
took care of her because no one else did! Angelus couldn’t be bothered; he
just claimed her when he felt like it. I did the dirty work, cleaned her up
afterwards, helped her through her nightmares. You call that twisted?!” He
kept staring at me, but something had changed in his expression. There was a
look of interest there now. Fuck it! I had said too much. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That doesn’t sound twisted to me, no. But taking care of a mad
vampire is something different than living with a very sane, human being.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Fury whipped through me. “And a man, don’t forget that,” I sneered.
“I love him, why can’t you people get that through your heads?? Nooo, I
can’t love, he’s much better off with Giles. By the way, plan on coming out
anytime soon?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stood, Ripper look firmly in place. Good. Now we were on equal terms.
“I wasn’t planning a coming out party.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why not?? Don’t want to show off your boy toy?” Forgive me, Xan.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He is not my boy toy!!” he hissed through clenched teeth. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Come on, he’s half your age! Oh,” I smacked my forehead. “You
didn’t know that.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He ignored the last sneer. “Says the vampire who is about a century
older than him.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I took a cigarette out of my pocket, lit it and inhaled deeply before
answering. “Exactly a century, but I don’t look like it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Rage was building; I could see it. I’d made a promise, but if he was
challenging me, I wasn’t so sure I could keep it. He crossed the distance
between us, took my cigarette, threw it away and grabbed me by my shirt. “No
smoking in here!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh right, it can kill you.” No punches, no kicks, just words, I’m
good. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What do you want Spike? This…” A kick against my shin, ow!
Couldn’t he do anything else than kicking like a girl? “Or this…” Yep,
he could, and colour me surprised. I was backed against the wall, the guy
plastered against me. So, this argument was turning him on, huh? Not me, sorry
mate. He looked at me, eyes almost black, teeth bared. “What? Too much for you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He certainly knew what made me furious. I pushed him away. “Too little.”
And that was not a wise thing to say. Damn that mouth of mine! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You want more?” He stood there, grinning. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Depends on what you’re offering.” I didn’t just say that!! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Ever been with a man, Spike?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Was he kidding? “Yes.” Not a pleasant memory, but still. He closed in
on me again. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“So have I.” Big surprise. Not. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That sorcerer friend of yours?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He grinned again, almost predatory. “Yes. Back in my wild days. You
make me feel the same, all darkness. Alluring…” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I had the urge to scream for help, but my demon put me firmly in place.
Master Vampires don’t scream for help! So I put on the best leer I had and
used my most seductive voice. “I’m alluring then, am I?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Very.” Somewhere in the back of my mind I realised there was some
good blackmail material here, but my mind refused to transport that thought to
my mouth. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘What you’re planning to do with it?” Oh encourage him even more!
Great going, Spike! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Ripper likes to play.” It was said in a low voice, making shivers
roll down my spine. Fuck, talk about alluring! I stared at him, for a moment not
knowing what to do then I threw everything I had in mind overboard. Why the hell
not? I hadn’t had a good lay for a while. Harmony didn’t count. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Ripper wants to play?” I rubbed myself against him. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He growled, pushing me back against the wall again. He attacked my neck,
biting down. Damn! The demon roared, wanting to bite, to feed, to drain. With
huge effort I kept it in check, a splitting headache the last thing I needed
right now. And Lord knows what he would do if I gave in to that urge. In the
state he was in, there was little chance he would stop. So I grabbed him,
planted my hands on his ass and hauled him closer to me. Another growl was my
reward. Hands were ripping my shirt to shreds. You’re gonna spring me for a
new one, Watcher! Mouth on my nipple and I was a goner. It had been so long
since I’d been with a man that I’d forgotten how different it was than being
with a woman. No petting, just force. And fuck, the old guy had some strength
left in him! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He looked up, eyes that midnight blue I had seen only a few times before,
a deep rich colour that spelled danger. “Spike likes to play too.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I couldn’t help the grin. “Damn right he does. Doesn’t like to be
played with though.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stood again, his face close to mine. “I like an equal partner.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He was going to get one. I tore his shirt open, revealing a white
undershirt. Stuffy Brit! “Off!!” I hissed through my fangs. He complied,
grinning like mad. The shirts joined my duster on the desk. Grabbing my arm, he
pushed me towards the couch. “Can’t take it standing up?” I sneered. The
look I got for that almost made me step back in fear. Hell, if he suddenly grew
fangs I wouldn’t be at all surprised. The images that thought put in my mind
were a little too terrifying for the moment, so I blocked them as well as I
could. I was dumped on the couch like a rag doll. He stood there, looking down
at me, grinning. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Afraid?” he taunted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Fuck, yeah. The kind of fear that turns me on, makes me burn, the kind of
fear I held for Angelus in his prime. But this vampire was not about to admit <i>that</i>
to a human. “No.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He straddled me, still wearing that devilish grin. “Not yet…”
Bending down he attacked my neck, biting down forcefully. I felt the skin break
and howled. He glanced up, eyes dark with lust. His lips were bloodstained. He
was magnificent. “How am I doing?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I grabbed a hold of the small sliver of dignity I still had left. “Not
bad.” It earned me one of those wolfish grins. The wanker knew exactly which
buttons to push! Talking of buttons…”Planning on doing that with Xan too?”
He snarled and I gave myself a mental high five. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“None of your fucking business!” All right, not what I expected. And
it was my business. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh, I’d say it is,” I drawled. “The boy’s mine. I want him
whole.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He is not yours!” Not yet, Rupert, not <i>yet.</i> But he will be.
“Never will be…” Fuck, could he read minds? He leaned over again and
whispered, “I can read your mind. The bond.” All demons in hell, I totally
forgot about that. A grin came to my face. He just gave me the perfect weapon.
Who needs violence when you can play mind games? My hand came up to rest on the
back of his head, holding him still. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“What are you waiting for? I can take it,” I hissed in his ear.
“Come on Ripper, play.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He drew back a little, his eyes boring into mine. “Try all you want,
I’m the stronger one here.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Ey? Vampire strength here, mate. Fucking useless vampire strength! I
growled in frustration. “Prove it,” I hissed. And prove it he did. Images
started to flood my mind, things he would do when he finally could get Xander
into his bed. I threw my head back and howled, partly in agony, partly out of
arousal. The picture he painted was so damned erotic it would make a nun horny.
Forget about the prudish Watcher, Ripper was a beast. I made an effort to send
some of those pictures back, but he blocked them all. He was the stronger one
mentally, even my demon had to admit that. So I did the next best thing (better
to be the stronger one, but that wasn’t to be at the moment.), I concentrated
on those images. I let them take me away and remove me from the farce that this
was. Power play, that’s all this was, a show of force to see who was the most
powerful at this moment. It proved nothing, least of all who was better for
Xander. The only thing it proved was that we were both idiots. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The next thing I knew was him jerking away. I opened my eyes ( I wasn’t
even aware I closed them) and stared at him in bewilderment. He couldn’t stop
now! Not when he got me all worked up and hard. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I…I can’t do this…” He was sitting on the floor, his back
against the couch, head in his hands. “Can’t, can’t, can’t …”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Second thoughts. Great timing, mate. I rolled over, reached out my hand
and grabbed his shoulder. “Oh come on! Don’t say you’re sorry!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His head came up. I couldn’t see his eyes and that made me slightly
uncomfortable. “I’m not,” he said in a low voice. “I won’t lower
myself to your standards.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A slow, burning anger crept through my system. I recognized it. The demon
was rattling at its cage. With supreme effort I kept it there. Another month in
a coma wasn’t an appealing thought. “My standards?” I asked.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Raping, torturing, killing.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He had been planning to do that to me?! “You wanted to stake me?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Gladly.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I rolled on my back and stared at the ceiling. I’m not easily stunned,
but this temporarily numbed my brain. “Bloody hell…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Indeed.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Was that a giggle? “Not funny, mate.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Can’t blame me for retaliating.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I couldn’t. But this was too easy. “So the whole thing was just a
joke?” I ventured. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His head whipped around and he glared at me. “It wasn’t a joke at all!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“So you were serious about staking me?” Call me persistent, but I had
to know.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“If you continue to nag, I will.” A huge sigh. “Ripper might have
gone through with this, but I can’t. I won’t use violence to get my point
across.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Ouch. That hurt. “You didn’t need to. I know where you stand,” I
say, hearing the note of defeat in my voice. We weren’t getting anywhere, this
was all pointless.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It wasn’t pointless,” he replied softly. “It taught me a thing
or two about you.” That I’m a horny bastard? Old news, mate, you’re the
last one to catch up. He smiled wryly. “No. That I knew. Angelus raped you?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Holy buggers in hell, where did that come from?! Sitting up again, I
stared at him. He was regarding me with a knowing look in his eyes. How did he
know? “Wot the fuck…” I rasped out. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You sent me images; it came with those.”A hand on my arm. “One of the reasons, the most important
reason, I came to my senses. Such fear.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A coldness spread inside me, tearing at my chest, clawing at my heart. He
wasn’t talking about the blood play between Sire and Childe. “Yeah well,
Angelus always knew how to stake his claim,” I said, silently pleading for him
to accept that answer. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I am not talking about the normal Sire/Childe relationship. This was
different. You were completely helpless.” The hand held a bit tighter,
squeezing my arm in a reassuring grip. The cold inside me was beginning to hurt,
like tiny knives sliding through flesh. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He raped me,” I whispered. “He was pissed you passed out so soon.”
The words rolled out of my mouth before I knew I’d said them. Once started, I
couldn’t stop. “Dru would’ve enjoyed it too much, and he was in the mood
for torture, not fun. He threw me out of the wheelchair, breaking my back again.
Laughed, when I tried to crawl away. Tortured me for hours, raped me twice. Then
you came to, and he continued with you.”My gaze had dropped down to my hands as I spoke. I couldn’t look up,
couldn’t meet his eyes. I would find pity there, and that was the last thing I
wanted. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, have you ever raped anyone?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That made me look up. The question pushed the pain of the memory aside
and let the anger move in. “No! Never! As evil as I was, that I never did.
Torture, murder, but never rape!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I believe you,” he nodded. “The fear I felt coming from you was
real. So was the disgust and the pain afterwards.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>So dirty. I never felt so dirty in my whole existence. Angelus had forced
himself on me many times before, but that was always to establish the Sire/Childe
bond. It was rough, with lots of blood play, but I enjoyed it most of the time.
That time he just wanted to take out his frustration on someone and I was a
convenient target. A thing. I shuddered violently. Then I felt an arm around my
shoulders, pulling me against a warm chest. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I know what it feels like, Spike. It still haunts my dreams every
single night. It just never occurred to me you would have that same fear.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because I was used to it?” I said bitterly. “I wasn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I am sorry. Truly I am. No one should have to live with these kind of
memories. You being a vampire doesn’t make it any different.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Sincerity shone through every word. No pity, just compassion. Empathy
even. Which wasn’t so strange, he lived through the same ordeal. Weird way of
bonding. We both let out a chuckle at my thought. I looked up. “Sorry, mate,
my mind takes strange turns sometimes.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Explains why you are one of the few people who can follow Xander’s
babbling,” he grinned. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oi! Not nearly as twisted as he is!” I shot back. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Most of us won’t agree with that statement.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“But you know better.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stared at me, shock flitting over his face. Then a smile appeared.
“He does seem to have a creative mind.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Creative? Fucking perverted, you mean! The next time you can’t find
him,try the gutter.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>[Hey!!!] The outcry echoed in my head. The sneaky bastard. He had been
listening in! I threw Rupert an evil grin, to which he replied with one of his
own. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Did you know he has quite an extensive porn collection?” Rupert
asked, winking at me. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A loud groan, followed by some unidentifiable noises. This was too funny.
“Hidden underneath the bed,” I nodded. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>[Fuck, fuck, fuck…] I was sure I heard him banging his head against
something. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That’s the general idea,” I grinned. Teeth on my bare shoulder.
Oh, fuck the Gods, ol’ Rupes was getting turned on by this! So he liked a bit
of dirty talking? Well, meet the master. “Had some fun with those tapes, I can
tell you.”I had, although it was little comfort in those days, just a
way of relieving the tension, so to speak. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>[Spike, shut up!]</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>Rupert’s laughter vibrated against my skin, making it ripple in
anticipation. “Oh, come on, luv, don’t tell me you haven’t been livin’
out some fantasies while watching.” Another bite, less gentle this time, and I
realised I had just stumbled over one of Rupert’s, no, make that Ripper’s,
fantasies. Biting a vampire, huh? A shudder went through his body. Hand me the
blackmail material on a silver plate, why don’t you? By now I was grinning
like mad, this was too good to be true. Besides that, it was making me horny.
And I wasn’t the only one, if those soft moans in my head were anything to go
by.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Want to bite me too, Xan?” I inquired, my voice getting husky.
“Want to taste me?” Hands were trailing up and down my back, a tongue
lapping at my neck. A moan was ripped from my throat, finding its echo in my
head.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>[Gods, yes..]</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Want to bite you, lick you, taste you. Bet you taste like sunshine,
like rain.” The taste was on my tongue, pure, strong. Like him.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I was pushed on my back again, but offered no resistance this time. A
mouth touched my skin, kissing, nipping, licking. A hand was stroking my hip,
another was tangled in my hair, another one was gently caressing my face. Wait,
three hands? Confused, I touched my face. Nothing. But I felt a hand there!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>[You feel it??]</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>Ghost hands. That should’ve been creepy, but since I now knew who those
hands belonged to, it was damned arousing. “I feel it, don’t stop,” I
panted. Immediately, the hands resumed their work, stroking and caressing. I
arched up, wanting, needing more. My jeans were peeled off, none too soon!
Rupert draped himself all over me, his teeth worrying the spot on my neck he had
bitten earlier. It had me howling.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Turns you on?” I heard him rasp out.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I’m a vampire, what do you think?! The neck is the ultimate G-spot. I
retaliated for that stupid question by having a taste of him. No real biting,
just a nip at his shoulder. Not bad, not bad at all. Tangy, spicy even, the
power of the sorcerer shining through. He moaned, so I gave it another try,
harder this time. No pain, no zap from the chip. Perfect.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>He moved downwards, out of my reach. Fuck it!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>[I think that’s the general idea.]</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>Ha, bloody ha. He wouldn’t, not Rupert. The next moment he swallowed me
to the root, and I nearly shot from the couch. So hot, so fucking hot! My
fingers tangled in his hair as I fucked his mouth like there was no tomorrow.
Just as I was on the edge, ready to fall, he released me. I screamed out my
protest.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Not yet,” he breathed, close to my ear. How did he get there? “Not
yet, Spike. And Xander, stop it.” Bloody cock teaser!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>[Who is?]</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
  <span>“Both of you!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He is, isn’t he?” Rupert chuckled. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Don’t talk about me like I’m not there!” I growled. “And
don’t shut me out, Harris!” Truly evil laughter filled my mind. What the
fuck were they doing to me?!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, look at me.”Rupert’s
quiet voice was commanding and I obeyed without thinking. His eyes bore into
mine, the look intense. “Do you want me to fuck you?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>What kind of question was that?! “Yes, YES!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“How?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I don’t care, just do it!!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>[He asks because he wants you to feel safe.] The universe collapsed and I
completely lost myself. Drowning in a sea of sensations and emotions, trying to
find my brain. My body knew it was being fucked, responding in all the right
ways, but my mind was somewhere else. Whispers reached my ears, whispers that
became storms, a torrent of words unidentified. My body was caught up in the
storm too, it jerked and twitched, not to get out of that twister, but to get
closer to it, to become a part of it. Then all fell silent. No more words, no
more roaring of the storm, just a intense silence. A soft light seemed to
envelop me, it felt like an embrace and it looked like a smile. Deep contentment
filled me and I smiled. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I
didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay where I was. It was so nice here, so
safe and warm. After all the coldness and hardship, this was such a welcome
reprieve. I struggled against the forces that were pulling me out of this cocoon,
but to no avail. Figures. Spike feels good, can’t have that, now can we? Oh
bloody hell, do it then, take me out of here. I’ll adapt, as usual. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I opened my eyes. It was light, where I expected darkness, warm, where I
expected cold. This couldn’t be right. Turning my head, I looked at my
surroundings. A room. Not a crypt. I blinked. Still a room. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I was seriously considering calling the Guinness Book of Records.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There was someone talking to me. Correction, spouting complete crap. “Wot?”
Hey, my voice was working!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A chuckle. “How long can you pass out after sex? I’d say you set the
record.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Wait, sex? I got laid? I shifted a little and discovered that my body was
aching. All over. If I had gotten laid, I sure as hell hadn’t been a gentle
fuck. “What record?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Almost 7 hours? Sounds like a record to me.”A pause. “But then, it could have to do with you still not being well.
I’d like to think otherwise, though.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There was only one person I knew who could utter such absolute nonsense
and make it sound believable. “Harris.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Hey, Spike.” His voice was gentle and warm. “Have a nice nap?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The greatest. “Yeah.” I finally could see him, sitting at the end of
the couch. A couch I had apparently fallen asleep on. Naked. I was covered with
a soft blanket, which explained the warmth I felt. Then it came back to me, in
one giant crash. Bloody hell, I had gotten laid! Fucked by a sorcerer and a
ghost. Of all the beasts in hell…</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not liking being compared to a hell beast, thanks.” He tried to make
it sound harsh, but I heard the amusement. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not you, you twit! And stop reading my mind.”I sat up, ignoring the loud protests of my body. I wanted to look at him,
see that spark of amusement in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You didn’t seem to mind it before.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Not the pout, please not the pout. I steeled myself against the sight of
that stuck out bottom lip, resisted any urge to capture it between my teeth.
There were things that needed to be said first. It took every scrap of self
control I had, but I did it. “I didn’t mind before,” I told him. “I do
now. We have to talk.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He sighed deeply. “Never thought I would hear you say that. But… me
first.” I nodded, secretly glad I didn’t have to take the lead in this. Call
me a coward. “When I brought you here, I was scared of what the two of you
might do to each other. You promised me not to get into a fight with him again
and I believed you. Yet, I also know what Giles is capable of.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He wouldn’t have hurt me.” Because of you. I added those words in
my mind, knowing I didn’t have to say them out loud. He knew. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Maybe not, but I was still scared. I was the one who opened up the
bond, not Giles.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“So you were there all the time?” He had seen and felt everything.
Strange, but that should’ve shocked me. It didn’t. I shook my head, smiling.
“Told you before you were sneaky.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wasn’t meaning to, honestly. I just was worried. Very worried and…I’m
babbling and you’re not upset about it, are you?” He looked at me, head
tilted to one side, looking adorable. Puppy dog eyed Xander. The picture of
innocence. To those who didn’t know any better. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Stop it,” I grunted. “You already have me wrapped around your
finger.” And there was the pout. “Xander!” Irritation got the better of
me. He had pulled up the walls again and I wasn’t liking it, not one bit. “I
know you can do adorable, but this isn’t the time for it. Be serious!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>His face fell. He averted his gaze, staring at the wall. I could see a
muscle twitching in his jaw. He was upset. Usually that bothers me, but I
didn’t even feel a twinge of remorse. I needed to know where he stood, where I
stood. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stood and turned towards me. His arms were pressed close against his
sides, hands clenched to fists. “You don’t want to know how close I am to
hitting you,” he gritted out. “For weeks I have seen you two fighting over
me. Did you even consider me? At all? Did you stop and think how this would
affect me? I felt invisible. Not a new feeling, but I had expected something
different from you. After all, you are supposed to love me!!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>My gut reaction was to jump up and shake some sense into him, but that
sodding piece of technology in my head cut that short. “Fuck!” I hissed,
pressing my hand to my forehead and closing my eyes against the pain. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Oh please! And you accuse me of hiding?!” He was closer now, I could
feel his breath on my face. “How long are you going to hide behind the chip?
How long before you realise I don’t buy that crap anymore?!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I opened my eyes. He was very close, dark eyes looking into mine. For an
endless moment we stared at each other and I felt something uncurling inside,
unleashing a storm of emotions. I felt pride, sorrow, love and finally,
overriding everything else, fury. “I considered you,” I grated out.
“I’ve done nothing else since this whole thing started. Beating up the
Watcher wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but I’m not sorry I did. There
isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. Tell me now to walk out into the sun
and I’d do it.” The fury wound itself down, deeper truths were revealing
themselves. I reached up and cupped his face with my hands. “I can’t hide
behind the chip, it doesn’t let me. The mere thought of hurting you sets it
off. Accuse me of not being willing to share you, accuse me of being a total ass
about it, but never accuse me of not thinking about you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The sound of a sharply inhaled breath and then he was gone. My hands were
trying to hold on to thin air, grappling helplessly to find something solid. My
first thought was an angry ‘I wasn’t finished yet!’, followed by a
confused ‘Where the hell did he go to?’. Frantically I looked around the
room. He wasn’t there. I forced myself to concentrate. I hadn’t heard the
front door, so he had to be in the house. A faint sound from the direction of
the bathroom was all I needed to get into action. I shot from the couch, looking
around for something, anything, to put on. Finding my clothes in a neat pile
next to the coffee table, I took my jeans and shrugged them on. That done, I ran
to the bathroom. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He was sitting on his knees by the toilet bowl, puking his guts out.
Acting on impulse, I grabbed a wash cloth, held it under the tap and sat down
next to him. He winced as I touched him, but didn’t move away. Taking that as
a silent permission, I gathered him close. He was crying, hot tears flowing from
behind tightly closed eyelids. I gently wiped his face with the wash cloth,
waiting until he was coherent enough to explain what brought this on. Sitting
there, my mind wandered back to all the times I had held Dru like this. She
could get upset about the tiniest things. I recalled one incident where she had
torn half the town apart, killed a dozen people without feeding from them, all
because she couldn’t find one of her dolls. It took me hours to calm her down.
We never found the doll, so I got her a new one. Anything for my dark princess.
Love does something to me, makes me fall back on my human side. As the vampire I
am an impatient, restless being, as a human I was neither. When love enters my
existence, those two personalities blend. Angelus used to hate when that
happened. He would taunt me, challenge me to react. I did, sometimes, but most
of the time I just smiled and ignored it. Which made him even madder. Ah, the
good old days. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I felt Xander looking at me. Rousing myself from my memories, I smiled at
him. “Hey, luv.” He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, a gesture that
made my insides turn to mush. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You still here?” he asked in a tiny voice. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why shouldn’t I be?” I responded, realising a second later he
hadn’t expected me to be here anymore. For Christ’s sake, why not?! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He tensed, moving away from me. Huge dark eyes were poised on me, filled
with an emotion I couldn’t read. “I almost hit you.” His voice was rough,
coloured with guilt. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You didn’t.” I kept my voice even, though I really wanted to yell.
Was that what this was all about? That he wanted to hit me? Come on, luv, like
I’d be bothered by such a thing. I didn’t say it out loud, not wanting to
upset him further. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I almost did and that’s what counts.” I opened my mouth to
protest, but he silenced me with a look. Determination spoke from those dark
pits, so ruthless that all thoughts of contradicting him fled my mind. “I
swore I’d never raise my hand in anger to people I love.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I began to see where all this was coming from. My suspicions that he had
been abused by his old man were right. I never noticed it happening while I was
living there, but that could’ve been because the bastard didn’t want any
witnesses. “I understand,” I said softly. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Do you? Do you really?” Pleading and anger all rolled in one. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I do.” I inched closer, my fingers itching to touch him. “I lived
in that stinking basement for a few months, remember? Not that I didn’t
suspect it before. You can cover up those cuts and bruises all you like, but you
can’t hide the smell of blood.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I get hurt a lot during fights.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I’ve seen you cowering in your bed when you heard footsteps in the
house,” I went on. “the smell of fear so thick I could taste it. I’ve seen
you crawl back into yourself when one of your friends snaps at you. The signs
are there, luv, if you know how to read them.” By now my hand was on his back,
gently rubbing. “You controlled your anger back there. It takes a strong man
to do that. It takes an even stronger man to rise above what he is told to
believe about himself. You are that strong.” These were no mere words to
placate him, I truly believed in what I was saying. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You have an awful lot of faith in me.” Defeat, resignation, but also
a trace of hope. It couldn’t have been clearer, he needed to know that someone
believed in him. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I have. How can I not? You made me believe in me again.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Eyes wide in shock. “I made you into a killer again?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Huh? “No, you fool! You made me believe I could make it, even with the
chip.” He pressed his face against my shoulder. And why was I explaining this
to him? Because you can’t see a joke if it hits you in the face, my brain
taunted. “Wacko,” I scolded him. I threw my arm around his shoulders,
keeping him firmly in place. He was going to listen to this. “You have the
power to push people beyond their limits, to make them do things they never
thought were possible. You believe in them, you believed in me. Saw there was
more to me than just the attitude. Hell, pet, I couldn’t even see further than
the attitude. You didn’t let me pity myself, you confronted me with myself
over and over again, until I began to see what you were trying to do. You made
me survive.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And we held that against you.” The calm voice from the doorway
startled us both. I hadn’t heard anyone coming in. That bond broken, or what?
Rupert chuckled. “No Spike, it’s not broken. I eavesdropped.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Shame on you,” Xander muttered from his hiding place against me. He
drew back, gave me a smile and looked up at Rupert. “Yeah, you did hold that
against me. I understood, but I didn’t like it. You see,whenever I looked at Spike I’d see my own face staring back
at me. I know what it’s like to be helpless, to possess the ability to change
a situation but being unable to use it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You can beat the shit out of him,” I growled. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He nodded. “I can, and I can’t. I freeze when I so much as hear his
voice, my arms go numb, my legs rooted to the spot. I can’t even run.” He
shuddered and I hauled him back to me. “I reacted to Spike the only way I knew
how, by throwing insults. Which, of course, were thrown right back at me.
Strangely enough, that helped. I spent time thinking up new insults, wondering
what his reply would be. Having a laugh over it. You finally caught on and told
me it was a dangerous game I was playing.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I glared at Rupert, who returned the glare full force. “It was. You
don’t mess around with a Master Vampire, chipped or not,” he replied tersely.
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And that’s where you’re wrong, I wasn’t messing around.”
Xander’s gaze went to me. “You knew I wasn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not right away. At first I was just mad.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Figures,” he snorted. “Couldn’t win?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I can win that contest without even trying,” I huffed, genuinely
offended. Brat. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander, Spike!” The low bellow had us both look up at Rupert, who
was glaring at us like he had just caught us fucking on the bathroom floor.
“Be serious for a change.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes Dad.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xan, the man said serious,” I admonished him. Our little argument
had to wait. Postponed, not forgotten. He would soon feel the sting of my
creative insults. To his credit, he didn’t pout, but scrambled to his feet. I
followed suit, knowing we had to have that talk. Finally. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I took a left turn into the kitchen, while Rupert and Xander went into
the living room. I needed blood. I took two bags out of the fridge and while
waiting for the first one to heat, I rummaged around for a drink for Xander. Boy
needed something to rinse the foul taste out of his mouth. Forgoing the beer, I
took a can of coke. No alcohol, not now. Maybe later. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I drank the first bag in the kitchen, gulped it down more like it. My
body needed lots of the stuff to heal properly and I hadn’t been in good shape
to begin with. Animal blood stills the hunger, but it doesn’t provide much
nourishment. Meaning, I needed a hell of a lot of it to survive. No one here was
aware of that bit of information and I hadn’t enlightened them. Pride is a
bitch, sometimes. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Mug and soda can in hand I padded into the living room. Handing the coke
to Xander, who smiled gratefully, I sat down next to him. Rupert had taken up
residence in the chair opposite us. Keeping his distance for the big talk. Not
me! I take whatever I can get. Xander was grinning at me. Bloody git knows me
too well. And hell on wheels, I liked that! I grinned back and then directed my
gaze to Rupert. Your call, mate. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He smiled a little ruefully. “Now that we’re finally here to talk
this through, I don’t know where to begin,” he said. Then let’s skip it
and go right to the fun part. I got a glare and a punch for that thought.
Spoilsports! </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Xander cleared his throat. Going to make a speech, luv? Another glare,
from Xan this time. All right, I’ll shut up. Well, no, I won’t. “I know,
be serious,” I chuckled. “And I will be,” I continued, really serious now.
“I’ve told Xander what draws me to him, I think it’s your turn,” I
addressed Rupert. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He stared, looking very uncomfortable. Did I mention ‘stuffy Brit’
before? Come on, mate, I’m a Victorian and I did it. A smile tugged at the
corners of his mouth. “I must say I have trouble picturing you as a Victorian
gentleman,” he grinned. Who said I was a gentleman? “No one.” Damn mind
link! “No one did, Spike, but I always had the feeling you were.” No one?
Slayer didn’t spill the beans? I’m impressed. Thankfully he let that thought
go by. “All right, I guess I should tell you.” He stood, crossed the
distance to the couch and sat down on the other side of Xander. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You were a brave boy, Xander, and you’ve grown into an even more
courageous man. Anyone else would have turned their backs after overhearing my
conversation with Buffy, but you didn’t. You became part of that dark world,
even though I know you detest every minute you have to live in it. I admire your
loyalty to your friends, although they don’t deserve it sometimes.” He gave
me a pointed stare, willing me to comment. Why should I? I agreed with
everything he said. I took Xander’s hand, entwining my fingers with his.
Rupert smiled and went on, “For the longest time I have been trying to
convince myself that my feelings towards you were that of a father to a son.
They were, in the beginning, but they soon developed into something entirely
different. There were times when I could barely restrain myself from hugging you
in front of the others.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why? Why restrain yourself?” I knew, but I still needed to hear him
say it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
  <span>“Because it would have embarrassed you greatly.” He still was
addressing Xander, who nodded. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Very. As in ‘Hellmouth open up at my feet,please’. Not that I wouldn’t have liked it, but in front of the
others…” Xander shivered. “So not prepared to face that.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I had to admit, Rupert’s answer was not what I expected. Still, I liked
this answer. The image of a hugely embarrassed Xander wormed itself into my
brain and I chuckled. He was so cute like that. Stormy brown eyes met mine. What?
What did I do wrong now?</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not cute. Red faced me is so not cute!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I beg to differ,” Rupert said before I could comment. The glare he
got for that remark had me roaring. Not even the, very mean,punch could calm me down. This was too funny and what was more, it was so
Xander. Innocent and devil rolled in one. Ah, I loved this man. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You two, cut it out!” he cried. “Not nice making fun of poor
Xander.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Poor Xander, eh?” I grinned. “Evil Xander, more like it.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Like you don’t like me being evil,” he retorted. “Both of you.”
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>All right, that shut me up. “What do you mean?” Rupert asked. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Like I don’t know about Ripper,” Xander snorted. “Chocolate
bars, Giles?’ he asked in the sweetest sing song voice. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>To my utter surprise, and utter delight, Rupert blushed to his hair roots.
“I would very much like to forget that particular incident,” he said snidely.
</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>But I didn’t. “Tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Well, there was that time when we had to sell chocolate bars for the
High school band and Giles bought a couple and…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander!!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“But it’s such a cute story!” Xander whined. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Devil,” I grinned at him, ruffling his hair. He growled, <i>growled!,
</i>at me and ran his hand through my hair. “Oi!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You’re just as bad as Angel about your hair.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The worst insult he could give me. I opened my mouth to retaliate, but my
brain caught up just in time. ‘Set up!’ it warned me loud and clear. “Runs
in the family,” I shrugged. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Damn,” was the muttered comment. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I looked at Rupert who was smiling at us. At <i>us</i>, not just at
Xander. It threw me completely. Xander turned away from me, staring at Rupert.
“Your bickering has brought a bit of light in many dark times,” Rupert said
gently. “That little piece of sanity that kept me from going mad. I sometimes
replay entire arguments in my mind, finding myself smiling at the creativity.”
He lay his hand against Xander’s face. “It makes me even more aware of how
much I need you in my life.” Even though I couldn’t see Xander’s face, I
knew those brown eyes were closing right now, as if shielding himself from the
compliment. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Accept it, luv,” I said softly. Freeing my hand, I wrapped my arms
around his waist and rested my head against his shoulder. “You’re needed.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>There was a long moment of silence. “I know,” Xander finally said,
his voice rough. “My mind is still rebelling against it, but deep inside I do
know. I need you both, I love you both.” My eyes fell closed then. He had
never said it before, never said he loved me. It was overwhelming and humbling.
“Spike, I was wrong before. I was the one who stepped back and let you fight
it out. My place has always been on the sideline, and I took that place again. I
needed to be in a safe spot. Coward’s way out, but that’s me.” His voice
had grown harder, bitter. Self loathing was etched in every word. I bit my lip
in order to prevent my protests from coming out. He needed to unload, without
intervention from either of us. Fortunately, Rupert had the same idea and kept
quiet. “I hated what you did, the fighting, the way you constantly tried to
humiliate each other. I’ve seen so much of that, I know what it does to the
ones that are supposed to love you. It tears them apart. I was just about to
tell you to forget it all, when Spike asked me to bring him here. One last
chance, I told myself, one more time and when that backfires, it’s over. I
didn’t expect what happened, didn’t expect the caring I felt. My undoing,
and my surrender, was when Giles didn’t continue before he was absolutely sure
that Spike felt safe.” Mine too, luv, mine too. “I’ve been in so many dark
places in my life, sometimes despairing if I’d ever see the light again. Your
love is a miracle, a godsend.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I heard everything he didn’t say, felt the suffering we caused him in
every cell of my body. It hurt, but I let the pain come. I deserved it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander, I never intended to cause you pain. I’ve been so blind. We
were given this great gift, but we almost lost it because we refused to share.
Spike was absolutely right; it proved nothing, only that we were complete idiots.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I didn’t even feel the urge to harass Rupert about giving me credit for
opening his eyes. It opened mine too. I twisted Xander around a bit so he could
face me. His smile when he looked at me was soft, tender. He loved me. The mere
thought of that was enough to send a fresh wave of guilt through me. I battled
it down, shoved it into a corner where it would have to wait until I had time to
examine it. “I’m not a miracle, luv,” I told him. “I’m one of those
creatures that made your life so dark. But I know one thing for certain; being
with you, being loved by you is as close to heaven as I’ll ever come.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He swallowed hard, but his eyes never left mine. “I’ve seen the
inside of hell long before you showed up, Spike. My tormentor is human.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You won’t go back there.” Rupert’s voice was gentle, but
determined. “Ever again.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“My stuff’s already at Buffy’s. She moved everything when I was in
hospital.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Thank you Slayer. I made a mental note to thank her in person the next
time I saw her. Anyone who wanted to protect Xander was all right, even if she
was an annoying bitch. Glare at me all you want, Watcher, not impressed. She <i>is</i>
a bitch. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Where you going to stay then?” I asked. Because there was no way I
was going to shag him in the Slayer’s house. Then again…</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I glanced at Xander, as innocently as I could manage without laughing.
“Yes, luv?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Don’t even think about it.” He stroked my face with the back of
his hand. “How are you feeling?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Overwhelmed, shattered and rebuilt again, happy beyond belief, and sore.
Very sore. My left arm was trembling,holding
nearly all of Xander’s weight, my back hurt like someone put a knife in it,
and my legs were so heavy they felt like lead. “Sore,” I admitted, “but
I’ll live. Pun not intended.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He drew me to him, letting me rest against his chest. Heaven indeed.
“How many bags?” he asked. Uh..what? “How many bags did you just drink?”
he elaborated. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Two.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Not enough. If you want to heal, you need more, much more.” Don’t
I know it, luv. “Then why don’t you take more?” I really had to lay down
some rules on that mind link. This was getting creepy. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Can’t, can I?” I replied, irritation creeping into my voice. “If
I drink what I need, you lot start nagging about it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A stretch of silence. “How much do you need, Spike?” Rupert’s voice,
close by. I looked sideways and saw him crouching by the couch. His eyes were
steely, demanding an honest answer. He was going to get it. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“An average vampire drains one victim a night. We can survive with less,
but 3 to 4 victims a week is necessary to stay healthy. Human victims. To stay
in shape on animal blood we need four or five times that amount.” I kept my
voice even, devoid from any emotion, sticking to the bare facts. The raging fury
that burned within me I suppressed. The voice that said ‘they should have
known’ I ignored. They should have, but I knew I was to blame as well. I never
gave them any indication that I was starving most of the time. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Good Lord,” Rupert sighed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I knew it.” Xander’s voice was strained, a touch of anger
colouring it. “During the coma we fed you as best as we could, but my instinct
told me it wasn’t enough.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I sat up a bit and looked at him. His eyes were narrowed, his mouth a
thin line. Angry Xander. “You did all right, luv. If you hadn’t, I
wouldn’t have woken up.” White lie, but what the hell. It would have taken
me considerably longer to come out of that coma, that was for sure. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It’s going to change. From now on, you’ll feed properly.” Angry
and determined. He sure was sexy like this. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And how are you going to do that?” I challenged. The question was
half serious, the other half was designed to make him look like that a bit
longer. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We’ll figure it out. For now, you are drinking at least two more
bags.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The smell hit me a second before I saw Rupert handing me a mug. I
hadn’t realised he’d gone. “Take this to begin with,” he said as I took
the mug. “Drink it slowly, it’s potent.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I did as he said, realising after the first swallow why I had to take
this slow. Potent? It was pure magic. It warmed my body from the inside out, a
soothing force that relaxed my muscles and calmed my nerves. I closed my eyes
while I drank, letting its power overtake me. “Willow,” I whispered, seeing
her smiling face before me. The blood she gave just before the ritual. I
hadn’t touched it then, too occupied with other things. Vaguely I heard Rupert
talk to Xander, most likely telling him what he’d just given me. Far too soon,
the mug was empty. I wanted more, but I knew I wasn’t going to get it. By now
I could hardly move, my body so relaxed it felt like jello. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let’s get you into a bed.” Xander’svoice. Chuckling. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Don’t want to move,” I murmured.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You are going to even if I have to carry you.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That sounded like a good plan. A nice warm bed sounded even better. The
combination of the two sounded fantastic. Fuck the fact that I was a Master
Vampire and that I ought to be ashamed of being carried around. Right now I
wanted to be carried upstairs by my boyfriend. Hmmm..that word had a nice ring
to it, boyfriend. Never had one before. Wanted to keep this one. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Giles, what did Willow smoke before she gave blood?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That made me giggle. Vampires do not giggle. Scolding myself was funny,
so I giggled again. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“He does seem rather inebriated.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Giles, the guy is as high as a kite!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Kites fly. On a string. I could fly without a string. Very high. Very
stoned, too. ‘s Was nice. Oh, cool. And soft. Clouds, must be clouds. Nice and
fluffy clouds. I could play with the clouds. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Spike, stop wriggling!” Funny word, wriggling. I tried it out on my
tongue, wrriiigglliinnngg. “Think I should knock him out?” I didn’t say
that. And knocking out was not nice. Bad. Bad man who wanted to knock me out.
“Oh, for crying out loud, go to sleep!” Sleep I could do. Sleep was nice. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The
moment I awoke I knew it was day. My head was buried underneath a pillow, but my
senses were sharp and clear. I could even pinpoint what time it was, dawn. Those
early morning hours just before the day truly begins. Usually my bedtime. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I felt rested, peaceful. Better than I had felt in a very long time.
Carefully I stretched my right arm and flexed it. Not great, but improving. That
pint of blood last night had done me good. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Oh fuck. The blood. Or rather, the effect it had on me. If the others
would ever find out I’d been high on it, I’d never hear the end of it. I
could hear their voices, ‘Can’t hold your blood, Spikey?’.Argh. Shut up. I groaned in frustration. Rupert would regret ever giving
me that blood. I grabbed the pillow, threw it beside the bed, turned on my side
and was met with an unexpected sight. It shoved all thoughts of reading Rupert
the riot act out of my mind. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Both Rupert and Xander were lying next to me. Naked. Twined around each
other like vines. Not sleeping. Senses sharp and clear, yeah right! More like
seriously damaged. I could sense the dawn, but not two guys having sex next to
me. Red, you need to get laid more often. The next thought that shot through my
mind had me grinning. Of course she wasn’t tuned in to two guys having sex.
Had it been two girls…I kept myself from finishing that thought and
concentrated on the activity beside me. I happened to like seeing two guys
shagging. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Xander was lying on top of Rupert, mouthing his neck. Wot? Another secret
vampire wish I didn’t know about? Xander as a vampire…yummm… Brain, focus
on the actual picture, not the imaginary one. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That beautiful mouth was moving lower, nipping on a collarbone, worrying
a nipple. A loud gasp escaped Rupert’s throat. He was definitely liking what
Xander was doing to him. Who wouldn’t? To have that muscular, tanned body
sliding over you, have that mouth licking you… yeah, right there, Xan. Rupert
seemed to agree with me, because he let out a low moan as Xander licked the
inside of his thigh. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I took a good look at Rupert. For a guy his age he looked pretty fit.
Broad shoulders, flat stomach, nicely muscled arms. All that working out with
the Slayer sure paid off. My eyes wandered lower to the more interesting bits.
Gotta see what made me pass out last night, now didn’t I? Nice. Not too big,
but a good size prick. Not circumcised. Xander seemed to find that particular
fact very interesting because he was fingering the foreskin, looking at it with
rapt attention. Anyone ever called you a prick tease, luv? Rupert’s hands were
clenched in the sheets and he was panting harshly. I really should speak up and
tell Xan to move on. Nah. Too much fun to see Rupert suffering.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I turned my attention to Xander. He was lying on his stomach, feet
dangling over the edge of the bed. That golden body stretched out for me to
watch. I’d seen him shirtless before, but never had the time to really look at
him. Guy’s too damned self conscious to walk around without at least three
layers of clothing covering him from head to toe. And I couldn’t understand
why. He should be showing off those muscles, that broad back, that absolutely
mouth watering butt. He’d be swatting off admirers like flies. Hmmm, maybe
that was not such a good idea. He was mine!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>A strangled cry brought my gaze back upwards and I grinned. Xander was
happily suckling on Rupert’s dick, treating it like an ice cream cone. His
technique was sloppy, but Rupert didn’t seem to mind.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>By now my cock had awakened too, straining against my jeans. I quickly
got rid of that annoying piece of clothing, flinging it away. My movements
caught Xander’s attention, and he turned his head a tad, gazing at me with
glittering eyes. A clear invitation if I ever saw one.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I moved behind him, nudging his legs apart to sit between them. One long
look at that broad expanse of skin had my cock jumping. Mine to touch, mine to
take. The demon inside me actually purred at the prospect.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I ran my hands over his back, his flanks and his butt, noting the shiver
that ran through him with satisfaction. He was so hot, my fingers burned at the
touch. I traced the scars on his back, cursing everyone who caused those scars
to be there. Then I bent over and began to lick that delectable ass, letting my
tongue dip into the crack on occasion. He let out a groan the first time I did
that, a sign for me to continue.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>All the time I was busy getting my first taste of him, he’d been
reducing Rupert to a babbling fool. The language that came out of that prim and
proper mouth was highly entertaining, not to mention arousing. Made me wonder
what kind of filth I could utter when Xander was blowing me. Hey, idea.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I abandoned my place between Xander’s legs and straddled Rupert, giving
the latter a view of my back. Rupert cursed my entire family, in Fyaral,as his cock slipped from Xander’s mouth. I glared over my shoulder. I
taught him that language and I do take offence to someone calling my sister a
whore. Even if she’s been dead for more than a century. The glare worked its
magic, he shut up. I faced Xander again, who was staring at me with a look that
was a mix between confusion and lust.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“You wanted to taste me,” I said, my voice low and silky.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Uhuh.” More lust, less confusion.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Bite me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Glrrp.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Suck me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>Silence met that one, a silence in which he sat up and brought his face
very close to mine. “’Kiss me.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>Stunned didn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling. First,
because that was the last thing I expected him to say, and second, why didn’t
I think of that? He grinned, obviously following my thoughts, then brought his
hand to the back of my head and drew me closer.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Kiss, now?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>He didn’t have to tell me a third time. I dove in, pressing my mouth to
his, prying his lips apart with my tongue. His mouth opened willingly and I was
treated to a steaming hot, consuming kiss. My arms came up, wrapping themselves
around his torso. In return I was hauled against him in a one armed embrace, his
other hand still holding my head. Christ, this guy could kiss. Then his hand
left my hair, went lower and came to a halt on my ass, pushing me against him. I
broke the kiss with a howl as our cocks rubbed together and threw my head back
in ecstasy. Arms came around me from behind and another hot body was suddenly
plastered against mine. Oh fuck!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Did that already,” came a growl in my ear. The next moment we were
tipped sideways and I landed on top of Xander with Rupert halfway on me. I
stared into Xander’s eyes that were about an inch away from mine. Saw love and
desire there and I knew that look was mirrored on my face.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“Luv,” I breathed. “Want to…”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“What?” he gasped.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“In you. Fuck you. Make you mine.” The words came out harsh and
laboured. My throat was closing up and I could barely force the words out.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>He stilled beneath me, went completely rigid. Oh hell, I had asked too
much.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>“No,” he whispered, relaxing a little. “You’re not.” A hand
stroked my hair and I wasn’t sure if it was Xander’s, but I leaned into the
touch anyway. “Want you to, but can’t let you. Virgin here. Would hurt you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>It took some moments before that sank in and when it did, I felt tears
burning in my eyes. He thought of me, at this moment, in this situation. Being
considerate. It was such a new experience to me that I didn’t know what to do.
Rupert decided to take that moment to get frisky and I was eternally grateful to
him for doing so. He started fondling my ass and I could do nothing else but
push back into that touch. I got up on all fours to allow him better access and
that brought me face to face with Xander’s cock. Hard. Leaking. Oh, yesss.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoBodyText">
  <span>I swooped down on it, swallowing it to the root. Oh, what a nice howl! I
sucked, licked, scraped my teeth along it, enjoying every second of it. He
tasted good, better even than I had expected. Slightly sweet, but with the
amount of sugar he pours into his body, that really shouldn’t have come as a
surprise. Bloody fucking hell!!</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
  <span>Two slick fingers entered me and I nearly bit down on Xander’s cock. (Now,
wouldn’t that have been a shame?) I let out a groan and desperately tried to
prevent my game face from coming to the fore. Hands on my shoulders, pushing me
backwards. I glanced up at Xander as his cock slipped from my mouth. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Let go,” he whispered. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I shook my head, incapable of speech. Wanting to maintain my human face,
wanting to suck him dry. He was mine and I was going to prove that. Demon
finally under control I leaned in again. Xander yelped as I licked the slit, a
sound that made me grin. Not a second later, I let out a similar sound as Rupert
entered me.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Being fucked and giving a blow job at the same time is not the easiest
thing to do, but I managed it. Accompanied by Rupert’s grunts and Xander’s
vocal, and very loud, comments, I rode out the storm again. It was less
consuming than the night before, my mind staying clear the whole time. Weird,
but not unwelcome. It gave me the chance to catalogue everything that made
Xander squirm, the things that made him cry out, the moves that resulted in a
string of dirty talk. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>When I felt my climax approaching, I let him go for a moment. “Come,”
I whispered, “Come for me.” He arched his back and came, shooting his load
into my waiting mouth. Delicious. The familiar heat coiled in my balls and I
followed him in orgasm, my arms giving way, making me collapse on top of him.
Still remarkably clear headed, I rolled off him and lay down beside him, Rupert
collapsing in a heap on his other side. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Xander’s laboured breathing evened out after a couple of minutes,
Rupert was still panting. I bit my lip to keep the ‘old geezer’comment from rushing out. He had treated me with so much care these last
two days. Care I wasn’t sure I deserved, but was going to take anyway. I was
too much of a demon still to listen to the irritating voice of guilt in my head.
Not that I won’t tease him, I will. Again, demon here. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Xander snuggled against me, his head buried in the crook of my neck. I
ran my fingers through his hair, loving the freedom to do so. He murmured
something. I couldn’t make out the words, but it sounded content. Another
string of unintelligible sounds. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Wot?” I asked, curious. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He lifted his head a little. “I said it before.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Said what, luv?” Though I liked the way his mind worked, that
didn’t mean I could follow his meandering thoughts all the time. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“That I love you.” He smiled. “You were almost asleep then, so I
guess you didn’t hear it. Right after you woke up from the coma,” he
elaborated. The memory surfaced. My throat closed up and I felt a tightening in
my chest. I buried my face in his hair to hide the emotions that I knew were
showing on my face. “Don’t hide,” I heard him softly say. “Let me see
you.” I fought for control, but gave up the fight a moment later. If he
wasn’t allowed to see what I was feeling, who was? So I drew back and looked
at him, letting all my emotions show in my eyes. He smiled and reached up to
gently stroke my face. “How long?” he whispered. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>This time I didn’t have any problems following his train of thoughts.
“My mother. When I was still a toddler.” Never afterwards. Not until this
beautiful man said those words to me and meant them. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“A century and a half. And I’m complaining.” He said it with a
laugh, but I saw the pain in his eyes. Recognition. Knowing what it’s like to
crave love, but not getting it. Constantly asking yourself what you have done
wrong, why no one would love you. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I became Spike for Angelus and Dru, to please <i>them</i>, not myself.
They wanted a bad ass vampire, they got one. For a long time the demon took
over, shielding me from being hurt, making me forget about love. Angelus’
leaving brought the first crack in that sure fire system, when Dru left it
collapsed. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You have every right to complain, Xander, yet you don’t.”
Rupert’s quiet statement cut into my thoughts. I turned my head to look at him.
He was lying on his side, one hand resting on Xander’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I complain. Loudly sometimes,” Xander said, just as quietly. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You do. Very loudly. For about two minutes. And than you shut up for
at least a month,” I told Xander before Rupert could reply. “You whine a
lot, luv, but not about the things that really matter.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I agree. Same goes for you, Spike.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Hello? “I do not whine!” I bristled. “I’m irritating.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Damn right you are!” Xander grinned. “And I’ve just given you a
compliment, haven’t I?”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I gave him a wolfish grin back in reply. The boy knew me so
well.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Despite my prickly response
to Rupert’s remark, I knew there was truth in that comment. Everyone thought I
wore my heart upon my sleeve. They were so wrong. Maybe that was why I could
relate to Xander so easily. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It probably is the main reason.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Rupert, stay out of my head!” I
grumbled.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>He grinned and moved closer
until he was lying flush against Xander’s back. His arms snuck around
Xander’s waist, hands coming to rest on my arms. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Xander sandwich,” came an utterly contented murmur from between us.
Rupert and I shared a look and burst out in laughter almost simultaneously. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“We should get the peanut butter,’ he gasped. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“And jelly,” I added. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You guys are kinky,” Xander muttered. “What have I gotten myself
into?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Should’ve thought of that sooner, luv,” I chuckled. “We’re not
letting you go now we’ve finally got you.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“You mean I have to stay like this for the rest of my life?!” he
cried out, exasperated. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yup.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A deep sigh. Another one. And yet another one. “Oh, well, there are
worse ways to die.” With that he burrowed himself deeper into the embrace. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I am not sure if that was a compliment,” Rupert said, giving me a
wink. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“I think it was,” I said, playing along. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Will you two shut up? Trying to sleep here.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I shook my head, smiling as I did so. Happiness coursed through me, a
wonderful feeling that made my body tingle. I was holding my love in my arms. I
was actually beginning to like my former rival. I would be fed properly from now
on. Problems solved, my brain announced cheerfully. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Rupert was staring at me, smiling. I was completely taken aback by that
gentle smile. I had seen it often, directed at one of the Scoobies, a smile
filled with love and pride. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected I would be
on the receiving end of that smile. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>‘You make Xander happy,’ his voice whispered in my head. ‘That’s
all I will ever ask from you.’</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That was easy and yet it was not. I would try, pour my whole heart in it,
but I couldn’t give him a rock solid guarantee. ‘It’s all I ask from you
too.’ I replied through the bond, knowing that he couldn’t make that promise
either. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Our eyes met and an understanding look was exchanged. We would give it
our utmost, but we would fail on occasion. Life would get in the way sometimes,
demons would disturb the cosy little world we created this night, but we would
hang on. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>That established, I rolled onto my back, releasing my hold on Xander. He
protested weakly, already half asleep. As much as I would love to stay in bed,
my body demanded food. I got up from the bed, took my jeans and tugged them on. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Gonna grab some blood,” I told Rupert, who nodded and tightened his
arms around Xander. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I ambled down the stairs, noting to my surprise that my motor skills were
almost back to normal. Thanks, Red, I owe you one. Looking in the fridge, I was
tempted to take another mug of that powerful, delicious blood, but I restrained
myself. That blood was for emergencies. And to get high. Rupert sent me a barb
for that last thought, as I expected. I chuckled as I took two bags out, grinned
as I threw them into the microwave and laughed out loud as grabbed a mug from
the cupboard. The warnings that were echoing in my head were very funny, at
least they were to me. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Vampire, Rupert,” I called out. “My system works a little
differently than that of an ordinary human.”Not that we can’t get addicted, we can, we just don’t die from the
stuff. Then he threw something at me that shut me up. A little reminder that
Xander’s parents were alcoholics. He didn’t say any more, but I got the
point he was trying to make. Xan would kick my ass all the way to hell and back
if he found out I was using that blood to get high. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>With a mug of warm blood in my hand I went to the living room and settled
down on the couch. Sipping it slowly, I let my mind wander, recalling the events
of the last few months. Vampires have perfect recall, so I could retrace every
step I made. The conclusion was that both Rupert and me were damned lucky it had
all turned out so well. No comment was given, neither out loud or in my head, so
Rupert had to be asleep. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I switched on the TV and idly flipped through the channels. Lazing around
wasn’t normal behaviour for me, but today I felt like it. I found a sports
channel that actually showed British football and watched the match for a while.
After half an hour I decided it was no fun without Xander around. We used to
watch a match together and he would comment on the stupid rules and I would yell
at the moron that happened to be the referee. We usually ended up yelling at
each other. To be honest, that part was more fun than the entire match. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>After fetching another mug of blood, I rummaged around in Rupert’s
extensive book collection and picked out a few books that seemed interesting. It
was the one thing that had kept me sane during my stay here in the bathtub, I
had plenty of time to read. My constant nagging about the TV had just been that,
nagging. One day he had flung a book at me in anger. I’d refused to give it
back and had spent the rest of the day reading. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The day passed slowly. I limited my movements to the odd trip to the
kitchen to get blood and a one time trip upstairs. I stood at the end of the bed
for a long time, just watching them sleep. Xan lay on his back, one arm above
his head, the other loosely curled around Rupert. Rupert was pressed close to
Xander, his head resting on Xander’s chest. They looked so peaceful, so
contented. The stab of jealousy I battled down quickly. I didn’t need to be
jealous, I had a place there too. With one last look, I went downstairs again,
smiling. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>A little after five the phone rang. I let the machine pick it up, and was
not surprised to hear Buffy’s voice. She sounded pissed off, demanding an
explanation for Rupert’s disappearing act. I nearly choked on the beer I was
drinking, when she added if he’d seen Xander and me, because they had gone too!
I was tempted to jump up, pick up the phone and tell her the whole story in full
detail, but thought it wiser not to. She would find out soon enough. So I amused
myself with her ranting and composed an answer to all the insults she threw my
way. Never hurts to be prepared, right? </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>The machine finally cut her off and I let out the laugh I’d been
holding in. My glee was interrupted by Rupert’s sleepy voice calling from
upstairs.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Was that the phone?” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Yes. Her Highness demanded to know where you were.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Her High…Spike! he spluttered in reply. I could hear Xander’s
muffled laughter in the background and grinned. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“It’s about time you two got out of bed,” I told them as casually
as I could. Stage one.</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why?” Xander whined. “Still sleepy!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Perfect. Now for stage two. “Because you slept the whole day away,
that’s why! I’m bored to tears!”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Then come up.” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>Three. “Would like to, luv, but I’m afraid I can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Why not?” Rupert sounded suspicious. Rush to the grand finale. </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“Because the Slayer and her loyal followers will be here in about ten
minutes.”</span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>“WHAT?!” </span>
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">
  <span>I looked up and saw two completely bewildered faces staring over the
railing. Score! Giving them my widest grin, I picked up my T-shirt and quickly
put it on. Wasn’t about to give the Slayer a show. I heard the stumbling,
muttering and cursing above me and chuckled. My unlife was good.</span>
</p>
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